Today’s Borking Report… Or Why Does My Dog Smell Like Cow?

Today’s Borking Report.
 
Sadly, the Potato had to be forced to get dressed because it’s COLD and I wanna sleep was his plans for the morning. He sulked at us until the door opened and his precious Auntie Jessica appeared. After that, we were HORRIBLE monsters for keeping them apart and he was going to tell the world about how his mother DARED to hold him back from his borking.
 
My dog is a farting fat liar.
 
It’s raining a bit out apparently and he came home a bit damp. And smelling like a COW. I dunno what someone put on his lawn but he literally came home and I was all.. THAT is cow! COW!
 
So, some doggie deodorant was deployed and now he’s lying here, farting up cow-smelling gassy clouds because he just is that way. He did however come home VERY tired, probably a little bit sore from the cold but SO SO HAPPY! He does love his Jessica.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Gus looked so happy when I left! It started sprinkling a tiny bit on the walk but not bad at all. I’m sure Gus loved the water and the wet grass. He struggled to get up the stairs when we got back to the house. I think he was tired!
 
Best,
Jessica

My Potato…. The Borking

Today’s BORKING REPORT!
 
It’s freezing cold and foggy today. Goji of course likes things icy so she’s spent the morning turning the AC unit on so I have to go and turn it off. She knows if she turns it on, someone will walk over to it to turn it off… AND SINCE IT IS NEXT TO HER WET FOOD DISH…
 
She’s not stupid. Just stubborn. Just like Badger who wants to go out to the Hamptons this morning… and is pissy when he’s told NO because it’s 60ºF at 10 am and even colder when he demanded to go out at 6 am.
 
The Potato ambled out to go potty at 7ish… did his business then potatoed back into the house to go back to bed. He then had to potato back out at nearly 10 to go borking which… the dog can sleep. It’s warm. He knows it’s cold outside. And he wants to sleep.
 
Borking is important though. It keeps Potatoes healthier and well, it’s a good socialization exercise for him. So off he went, complaining to his Auntie Jessica about being abused and THEN came back not only fat and happy but SOAKED THROUGH.
 
Because it’s cold and foggy outside. Dewpoint is high. The grass is soaked and well, there is nothing a little blond dervish cairn likes more than to roll around in wet grass. He is still soaked to the bone and quite pleased with himself.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
There was lots of wet grass out this morning and Gus loved it! He did a lot of rolling around. He’s so happy! He did poop on the walk too. See him soon!
 
Best,
Jessica

Twas the Day Before Turkey Borking Report…

Today’s BORKING REPORT!
 
Gus the Potato got a bath yesterday and he’s very squeaky clean. Of course today is Borking Day so that means… rolling around in the wet grass. Because that’s what Potatoes do.
 
He always grumbles and becomes a lump when it’s time for him to get kitted up but then as soon as the door opens and JESSICA appears, suddenly he has the energy of a thousand frenzied cairns and he’s ready to be off.
 
It’s always funny when he’s leaving because the BORK doesn’t begin until he crosses the threshold. THEN, it’s a parade of horns, bells, and whistles. Usually the Bork is short and today it’s really freaking cold so he was bundled up but caution is always used for the old man.
 
He came back happy and grinning. Once he allowed me to strip him nekkid of everything but his collar, he did his normal romp and cavort, followed by drinking all the water and then getting love from his Auntie… who was also attending to Harley Doodle because that’s what the cat does. She wants love and scritches from everyone. It’s hard to be a Harley. Gus got his snuggles then said goodbye to his Auntie who will be skipping Thursday’s walk because of the holiday but he’ll see her again next week.
 
All in all, considering he’s coming up on his … 14th year? 13th year? I think 14… he’s doing pretty good for an old Cairn. Their lifespan ranges from 12-14 and he’s in relatively good health. He does get too many treats and yes, there’s a LOT of napping time but I’m going to say, with respect to his old bones, he deserves all the comfy beds and memory foam pillows under them.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
The weather was nice out this morning and Gus loved it! He did try to say hi to one couple out walking! Other than that it was pretty empty out. Have a good thanksgiving!
 
Best,
Jessica

The Borking Report for 11 Nov

Today’s Borking Report:
I worked remotely today because the pain along my lower quarters was fairly substantial, promising to bring me a very long agony and it’s nice that my body communicates this with me. I mean, imagine if your innards didn’t give you a flash stabbing attack at three in the morning just to tell you… AND THERE IS MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM!
 
Like pancakes, the first one is the ugliest but the others get fluffier and rounder as time goes by. Which is a lie because it’s NOTHING like pancakes. But I digress. This isn’t about me. This is about Gus the Potato Cairn.
 
And today’s adventure of… I DON’T WANNA WAKE UP.
 
His Auntie Jessica pinged early that she was taking him. Around 8:30ish or so. Thing is, he didn’t wake up when I woke up at 5 and go outside so he needed to pee. Which meant he DID NOT want to get dressed. Then he needed to get redressed because the grey hoodie really is too small for him and in protest of being undressed and redressed, he twisted around so the harness didn’t fit him. I pulled him over… BECAUSE HE WAS A DEAD WEIGHT… fixed the harness and his response was to flop over dramatically and lie there with his four feet up in the air.
 
Like a full cairn temper tantrum.
 
After some coaxing, I unclipped his leash (we leave it on the harness to make it easier to dress him) and told him to go outside and pee. Which he acted like I was doing him a favour by doing this. He peed, came back inside so I could put the leash back on him and once again, DRAMATICALLY flopped over.
 
By this time, I went back to work and wasn’t paying attention to his little acts of gothy attitude. When his Aunt Jessica arrived, he decided to be a sullen asshole for a bit then remembered SHE hadn’t woken him up so it was okay to be happy to see her.
 
And proceeded to scold and scold all the way down the sidewalk. There were workmen next door so they had to be reprimanded and then he had to talk about how shitty of a mommy I am by insisting he wake up and that his Auntie Jessica was the only one who really mattered in the world because she loved him.
 
Never mind I pay her to be the Potato’s friend.
 
Actually while we pay the service, she is very protective of the Potato and he is HER pupper. When she went up to her parents’ house in OC for a few months, she would come down on the weekends to visit her boyfriend and arrive early on Friday to walk the Potato and then again on Monday before she drove up the coast. His Auntie Jessica loves her Potato. And he does adore her.
 
Much more than he loved anyone in the house today but Borking is good for the Potato. And he did remember he loved it once he hit the sidewalk.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Gus had a lot to say today!! He pooped on the grass too like a good boy. I hope he gets plenty of rest. Have a good weekend!
 
Best,
Jessica

Let’s Go Borking with Gus the Potato!

Today’s Borking Report!
 
It’s cold as heck this morning but it’s going to ramp up to the high 80s. The Potato was grumpy about getting out of bed to go on his bork and he was pissy about being dressed. However, as SOON as Jessica came over and said, Come on, Gus Gus… he was off as if we’d been holding him back from his ultimate dream.
 
Seriously, he’s a brat.
 
He went for his bork, telling the world about his opinions on everything from carrot cake to why it’s unfair dogs cannot vote then came home. Where he promptly refused to let his jacket be removed and cavorted about without saying goodbye to his auntie Jessica. Harley more than happily provided a farewell belly rub dance for her while Gus got a bit of hash brown and bacon.
 
Now of course, he’s back in bed for his mid-morning snooze and acting as if all is right with the world. Which of course it is if you are the Potato.
 
I bet anything he’s missing our house guests because most of the time, they don’t know the rules (or ignore them) and sneak him bits and pieces of noms. Sadly for him, there are no guests this week so he’s got to be dependent on us for his snacking.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Even though Gus was pouting today he still had a fun walk! He told the neighbors all about his day! He was walking pretty fast today. Maybe he just wanted to get back inside for some potatoes!
 
Best,
Jessica

Today’s Borking Report…and Ramblings.

Today’s Borking Report!
 
This morning was a bit of a struggle for the Potato. Somehow he got his thumbnail caught in his collar ring and it was a traumatic few moments when he was screaming at me while I was trying to get it off. And mouthing at my fingers. I knew it hurt so I quick released his collar and got him free. It’s never happened before and of course, this morning while I was running a bit late, he had that moment. As soon as he was free, Gus was all… okay, let’s go potty! As if he hadn’t spent the last few seconds screaming that I was killing him.
 
Cairns are very stoic. If he’s making a fuss, then I know it hurts. But he was none the worse for wear, went out to potty then came back in to go RIGHT back to bed.
 
I’m sure it made for a scolding about me to Jessica when he went for his walk because as usual, the dog is mouthy. Since I am at work (in the building work), he went off for his bork without me but I did get the status update.
 
He still loves to roll in wet grass but refuses to go potty on it. He’s the death and trial to his Auntie Jessica.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Gus had fun rolling around in all the wet grass! I hope it wasn’t too cold for his joints today! He did poop on the walk today but in someone’s driveway. So close to the grass. He almost made it! See him soon!
 
Best,
Jessica

New Borking Report! The Potato has Opinions!

Today’s Borking Report!
 
I’ve been in Los Angeles and while the Pupper went out into the world without me being here, it’s nice to see him come home. However, I’ll be heading back into the office on Tuesdays so he’ll be doing his Borks without me. He will still be going and I’ll get reports but alas, I won’t get the sideeye of waking him up and the launch of the Bork.
 
Let me tell you, he is NEVER impressed about getting dressed to go borking but when Jessica arrives, it is a very different story. THEN it is we are cruel for not letting him go Borking ALL THE TIME!
 
He does love her dearly.
 
New Hoodie because the other one was too big. We’ll cut the back down and hem it up into a shirt. Right now, he’s snoring away because it was a very exciting Bork and he’s sleeping off his round of authoritative scolding.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Gus loved all the wet grass this morning! This hoodie fit a lot better this time and he wasn’t tripping on it. He did a lot of barking at one guy we passed and he had to take a bit of a break after that. I thought he wouldn’t be able to make it back home but he pushed through and did great! Have a great weekend and I’ll see him soon!
 
Best,
Jessica

Borking Report: Oct 12

God, it’s been a bit busy here and I’ve been a shitty host by not updating. I will do better. Yet, I’ve gotten nothing done. Go figure. So… here’s a Borking Report

Today’s Borking Report!
 
It was in the mid-60s today when the Borker headed out. Very cold. The new hoodie is a bit big for him but the new one won’t be here until tomorrow and well, better big than cold because his joints will be stiff.
 
It has warmed up quite a bit and I’ve left the house open a bit. I’ve got a load of laundry in the wash and I’ll toss it over into the dryer later. I’ve still got to pack tonight for my trip up to Los Angeles this coming week and with the weather all screwy, it’s going to be an interesting pack.
 
It’ll be a rush of stuff to do since we’re going to be in KTown and then Long Beach and then back down to San Diego in… 10 days? 11 days? I don’t even know if we’ve got everything all planned out.
 
It’ll be an interesting time for the pupper because he’s not been home alone for more than a few hours and while I know he spends most of his time asleep, I do worry he might get a little bit anxious. Or, he could simply be happy no one is telling him not to fart in their direction and he can fumigate the cats as he likes.
 
Remind me to tell you of the time a misguided friend decided a Brussel sprout would be a good treat to give a gassy cairn. Or you can just imagine how it went.
 
And yes, pooping on the grass is a big deal for us. Long story. He’s also insisting on pulling his bed off of the memory foam mattress and lying half on and half off of it. He’s a weird dog.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Gus looks so cute and cozy in his hoodie! I’m sure it kept his joints warm. He did poop on the grass again today! He’s been getting better at that. See him soon!
Jessica

Today’s Borking Report or… The Snorkling Potato.

Today’s BORKING REPORT!
 
He left the house today telling Jessica ALL of his woes which now are going to include a bath because he needs a good scrubbing with medicated soap so… he’ll do more borking once that’s done.
 
Once again, the Potato was delighted to see his Auntie Jessica and when he came back, he snorkled his way around the living room floor. He stopped long enough for me to get his muzzle off and one snap of his harness. And then he shimmied away like a snake and Jessica got the rest of his harness but the jersey stayed on until he made a full circuit of the living room carpet and Andi could snag the jersey off.
 
Seriously, he’s a pain in the ass but oh so happy.
 
We have workers at the house next door so he had a lot to bork at. He has opinions about them taking down a tree and whatever else they’re doing so early in the morning. OPINIONS!
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
There were a lot of workers out this morning. Gus seemed to do okay considering! He did a lot of rolling around in the grass and he looks so happy!
 
Best,
Jessica

End of August Borking Report!

Today’s BORKING REPORT!
 
I actually was here for the pickup and drop off of the Gusman but left soon afterwards to have Kaz (my fantastic hair stylist) wrangle my hair into submission. It takes a long time to wrangle and I haven’t had it done in nearly two years. My appointment was at 10 am and I just got home… at 2:20 pm. I did stop for gas afterwards and gave Tengu a bath as well as Mickey D’s for some fries which were PROMPTLY begged for as soon as I came thru the door.
 
There is a reason why we call him the Potato and it isn’t just because he’s shaped like one. This dog can sniff out a French fry like pigs sniff out truffles. He whined at me so I thought he needed to go potty. I let him out then was barked at… scolded really… to tell me that no, outside is NOT what he wanted and there better be a fry in the house for him when he comes in.
 
I made him wait until I changed clothes and well, I was trying to straighten my bed linens because they were all bunched up on the corner only to find out Badger had built himself a burrow under the sheets and quilt. After he mewed his disgust at me bothering him while he napped, I covered him back up and went to the living room.
 
Where there was a Potato waiting for a French fry. He isn’t allowed a lot. Maybe one or two small ones but he just wants the taste. And no matter what he tells you or how sad his eyes get while you’re eating a taco or pizza, he is NOT allowed to have handfuls of people food. ONE OR TWO FRIES ONLY.
 
Apple without seeds is fine. So is watermelon. And honey peanut butter but only a little bit. He’s angry I cut off his French Fry supply so now he’s rage eating his dry food.
 
But he had a good Bork.
 
From his Auntie Jessica:
Gus loved rolling around in the wet grass! There was no one out walking but there were some dogs barking from their backyards. So Gus had to say hi! See him soon!
 
Best,
Jessica