Doldrums

I have snippets of old conversations playing in my head of late. Odd bits like a comment someone made about my fave book during an interview, a disparaging remark a relative said about me during a family gathering, and just general stuff like that. Sometimes the mind goes on it’s onw “Greatest Hits” reel and I’m sitting here thinking, do you really have to do this now?

And it replies; Yes. Yes, I do.

I’ve been awake for about two and a half hours now and it’s been a roller coaster of conversations and people telling me how to think and feel. Now if you know me personally, you know how that gets my back up. It’s like a trigger point. Always has been. One of the major reasons my father pretty much spent my childhood trying to kill me in one way or another because I didn’t think being dominated into submission was EVER going to be my cup of tea.

I’m not sure where that comes from. My mother whom I love dearly tried to make peace by saying; just do what he says. Alas, dear mother, I shall not be made less.

And considering my whacked out chem brain spends a lot of time doing just that, it doesn’t need any help, thank you very much.

I am the best person I can be. I try. I don’t always get it right. And sadly I’ve been told since I’m in the “public eye”, I don’t get the luxury of making mistakes. To that I say bullshit. I’m going to make them. We all are. But it’s my life and they’re mine to make and fix.

A lot of that actually pertains to writing because nothing can be curled up into a knot of mistakes like taking the wrong left turn during a chapter. And then you spend a lot of time trying to either write out of it or… tossing the whole thing. It’s a sad commentary on the brain when it does this to you. You feel betrayed! Like damn it, I thought I could trust you! But no, I cannot.

The book deserves to be the best it can be. Sometimes it works. Othertimes, it does not.

Where am I going with this? Man, I’ve tossed out more things in the past few months than I care to admit. I think a lot of it is the political and social arenas we are in now. It’s hard to disconnect and write freely without the press of people’s opinions and rants shoving through the veil of words. When I write, I need to push the world back… put it away so I can live in the one I’m creating. Outside things can influence me, sure. But I’ve got to keep a firm hold on who I am, what the book is, and where it’s going.

So wish me luck in tackling the keyboard once again and keeping the world and its bitter voices from creeping in. Have a happy moment for yourself today. Do something nice for you. I have a snoring dog so that’s my soundtrack for the morning. *Grins*

Cucumber Brain and Cats… Doesn’t Make Sense But There It Is.

Good Morning!

Trying to get my life back on track seeing as it’s gone upside down these past couple of months. It’s hard on the head and I’m a bit oversocialized. Which of course screws with my head even more. So off to talk to the doc about readjusting the brain chems et al.

Honestly, I hate using Aspergers as an excuse for stuff but there’s a certain point where I just can’t break through and react typically. I mean I can literally feel that wall. Or membrane. It feels more like a membrane if that makes any sense. Like it gives but not a lot and it hurts to try to push further. Rebound brain gives massive headaches.

Everyone is different on the spectrum. I think that makes it worse because there’s no… Ah-HAH I know how to react to that behaviour. We all have our wired in quirks and it’s a constant education of people around us to adapt. People I love and am close to sometimes forget I have a reason for saying; I can’t deal with that right now. What I’m saying is, the lines have moved and what I could adapt to yesterday is a hard wall for me today. It’s frustrating but the sooner I accept that spectral (hah) limitation, the easier it is for me to de-escalate the frustration. And head off a brain meltdown.

If you do know someone on the spectrum and is good at “passing for human” (Because that’s pretty much our end goal as success, hiding that we’re on the spectrum), and they are comfortable enough to not mask, please understand that some days might be harder than others and truly listen and adapt when they communicate. It could be something as simple as losing the modulation in their voice (which is so awesome to finally not have to force because it feels like taking off a brain-wrapping bra) to perhaps needed the sound lowered on the TV even if it’s a volume that was okay an hour ago. Our “disability” is an invisible one and often one we fight with ourselves. And I can say sometimes it pisses us off too. Trust me on that.

So… wear a mask, eat your veggies, drink a lot of water and most of all, make sure you do one kind thing for yourself today.

Today is BORKING DAY!

Today is BORKING DAY!
It’s freaking hot but the Blond Potato bravely went outside with his favourite Auntie. He wasn’t awake enough when she arrived but soon rallied and began his day. He’s currently in cool down and sitting in the AC. In a little bit, he’ll go crash.
 
From his Aunt Jessica:
Hot day today but we took the walk very slow! Not too many people out but one gardener he had to bark at! I had him stop in the shade spots and I gave him some love to help calm him down.
 

Mind The Gap

Sorry for being AWOL but I’ve spent the last two weeks driving up to Oregon to take care of my hanai brother Dave’s remains and packing up the house. While it’s been a long, grieving journey, we were comforted and delighted to find family up in Eugene and were able to provide others with household goods and items they needed as we sifted through what was in the house. It went quickly and yet, too soon. My heartfelt love and thanks go out to the Asam and Lane families who were just freaking awesome and I will carry them in my heart for a very long time.

I have to get settled back into my routine and catch up with all of the stuff I let lay fallow while we all dealt with the things death brings with it. It’ll be okay. Dave was loved, respected, and most of all, treasured. I wish him well on his journey to where he is going next and may the road be sandy and bumpy because that’s the way he rolled.

Follow the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog Tour! Last Stop: MM Good Book Reviews!

Welcome back to Kai Gracen’s world and the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog tour! Visit each stop and enter that blog’s $20 USD gift certificate giveaway!

Today’s stop is: MM Good Books

July
9           Tyra’s Book Nook
10         Paranormal Romance Guild
12         The Blogger Girls
13         Reading Reality
14         Love Bytes
15         MM Good Books

And be sure to pick up your own copy of Silk Dragon Salsa at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon and other fine online book stores!
Dreamspinner Link: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/silk-dragon-salsa-by-rhys-ford-11709-b
Universal Amazon Link: mybook.to/SilkDragonSalsa/

Silk Dragon Salsa by Rhys Ford
SoCalGov Stalker Kai Gracen always knew Death walked in his shadow. Enough people told him that, including his human mentor, Dempsey. Problem was, the old man never told him what to do when Death eventually caught up.

Where Tanic, his elfin father and the Wild Hunt Master of the Unsidhe Court, brought Kai pain and suffering, Dempsey gave him focus and a will to live or at least until everything unraveled. Now caught in a web of old lies and half-truths, Kai is torn between the human and elfin world, unsure of who he is anymore. Left with a hollowness he can’t fill, Kai aches to find solace in the one elfin he trusts, a Sidhe Lord named Ryder but he has unfinished business with Dempsey’s estranged brother, a man who’d long ago swore off anything to do with the feral elfin child Dempsey dragged up from the gutter.

Reeling from past betrayals, Kai searches for Dempsey’s brother, hoping to do right by the man saved him while trying to keep one step ahead of the death haunting his every step. Kai never thought he’d find love or happiness as a Stalker but when Death comes knocking at his door, Kai discovers a fierce need to live life to the fullest — even if that means turning his back on people he calls family.

Follow the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog Tour! Stop Four: Love Bytes! AND IT IS RELEASE DAY!

Welcome back to Kai Gracen’s world and the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog tour! Visit each stop and enter that blog’s $20 USD gift certificate giveaway!

Today’s stop is: Love Bytes

July
9           Tyra’s Book Nook
10         Paranormal Romance Guild
12         The Blogger Girls
13         Reading Reality
14         Love Bytes
15         MM Good Books

And be sure to pick up your own copy of Silk Dragon Salsa at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon and other fine online book stores!
Dreamspinner Link: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/silk-dragon-salsa-by-rhys-ford-11709-b
Universal Amazon Link: mybook.to/SilkDragonSalsa/

Silk Dragon Salsa by Rhys Ford
SoCalGov Stalker Kai Gracen always knew Death walked in his shadow. Enough people told him that, including his human mentor, Dempsey. Problem was, the old man never told him what to do when Death eventually caught up.

Where Tanic, his elfin father and the Wild Hunt Master of the Unsidhe Court, brought Kai pain and suffering, Dempsey gave him focus and a will to live or at least until everything unraveled. Now caught in a web of old lies and half-truths, Kai is torn between the human and elfin world, unsure of who he is anymore. Left with a hollowness he can’t fill, Kai aches to find solace in the one elfin he trusts, a Sidhe Lord named Ryder but he has unfinished business with Dempsey’s estranged brother, a man who’d long ago swore off anything to do with the feral elfin child Dempsey dragged up from the gutter.

Reeling from past betrayals, Kai searches for Dempsey’s brother, hoping to do right by the man saved him while trying to keep one step ahead of the death haunting his every step. Kai never thought he’d find love or happiness as a Stalker but when Death comes knocking at his door, Kai discovers a fierce need to live life to the fullest — even if that means turning his back on people he calls family.

Follow the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog Tour! Stop Four: Reading Reality!

Welcome back to Kai Gracen’s world and the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog tour! Visit each stop and enter that blog’s $20 USD gift certificate giveaway!

Today’s stop is: Reading Reality

July
9           Tyra’s Book Nook
10         Paranormal Romance Guild
12         The Blogger Girls
13         Reading Reality
14         Love Bytes
15         MM Good Books

And be sure to pick up your own copy of Silk Dragon Salsa at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon and other fine online book stores!
Dreamspinner Link: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/silk-dragon-salsa-by-rhys-ford-11709-b
Universal Amazon Link: mybook.to/SilkDragonSalsa/

Silk Dragon Salsa by Rhys Ford
SoCalGov Stalker Kai Gracen always knew Death walked in his shadow. Enough people told him that, including his human mentor, Dempsey. Problem was, the old man never told him what to do when Death eventually caught up.

Where Tanic, his elfin father and the Wild Hunt Master of the Unsidhe Court, brought Kai pain and suffering, Dempsey gave him focus and a will to live or at least until everything unraveled. Now caught in a web of old lies and half-truths, Kai is torn between the human and elfin world, unsure of who he is anymore. Left with a hollowness he can’t fill, Kai aches to find solace in the one elfin he trusts, a Sidhe Lord named Ryder but he has unfinished business with Dempsey’s estranged brother, a man who’d long ago swore off anything to do with the feral elfin child Dempsey dragged up from the gutter.

Reeling from past betrayals, Kai searches for Dempsey’s brother, hoping to do right by the man saved him while trying to keep one step ahead of the death haunting his every step. Kai never thought he’d find love or happiness as a Stalker but when Death comes knocking at his door, Kai discovers a fierce need to live life to the fullest — even if that means turning his back on people he calls family.

Follow the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog Tour! Stop Three: The Blogger Girls!

Welcome back to Kai Gracen’s world and the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog tour! Visit each stop and enter that blog’s $20 USD gift certificate giveaway!

Today’s stop is:   The Blogger Girls

July
9           Tyra’s Book Nook
10         Paranormal Romance Guild
12         The Blogger Girls
13         Reading Reality
14         Love Bytes
15         MM Good Books

And be sure to pick up your own copy of Silk Dragon Salsa at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon and other fine online book stores!
Dreamspinner Link: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/silk-dragon-salsa-by-rhys-ford-11709-b
Universal Amazon Link: mybook.to/SilkDragonSalsa/

Silk Dragon Salsa by Rhys Ford
SoCalGov Stalker Kai Gracen always knew Death walked in his shadow. Enough people told him that, including his human mentor, Dempsey. Problem was, the old man never told him what to do when Death eventually caught up.

Where Tanic, his elfin father and the Wild Hunt Master of the Unsidhe Court, brought Kai pain and suffering, Dempsey gave him focus and a will to live or at least until everything unraveled. Now caught in a web of old lies and half-truths, Kai is torn between the human and elfin world, unsure of who he is anymore. Left with a hollowness he can’t fill, Kai aches to find solace in the one elfin he trusts, a Sidhe Lord named Ryder but he has unfinished business with Dempsey’s estranged brother, a man who’d long ago swore off anything to do with the feral elfin child Dempsey dragged up from the gutter.

Reeling from past betrayals, Kai searches for Dempsey’s brother, hoping to do right by the man saved him while trying to keep one step ahead of the death haunting his every step. Kai never thought he’d find love or happiness as a Stalker but when Death comes knocking at his door, Kai discovers a fierce need to live life to the fullest — even if that means turning his back on people he calls family.

Follow the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog Tour! Stop Two: PRG!

Welcome back to Kai Gracen’s world and the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog tour! Visit each stop and enter that blog’s $20 USD gift certificate giveaway!

Today’s stop is: Paranormal Romance Guild

July
9           Tyra’s Book Nook
10         Paranormal Romance Guild
12         The Blogger Girls
13         Reading Reality
14         Love Bytes
15         MM Good Books

And be sure to pick up your own copy of Silk Dragon Salsa at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon and other fine online book stores!
Dreamspinner Link: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/silk-dragon-salsa-by-rhys-ford-11709-b
Universal Amazon Link: mybook.to/SilkDragonSalsa/

Silk Dragon Salsa by Rhys Ford
SoCalGov Stalker Kai Gracen always knew Death walked in his shadow. Enough people told him that, including his human mentor, Dempsey. Problem was, the old man never told him what to do when Death eventually caught up.

Where Tanic, his elfin father and the Wild Hunt Master of the Unsidhe Court, brought Kai pain and suffering, Dempsey gave him focus and a will to live or at least until everything unraveled. Now caught in a web of old lies and half-truths, Kai is torn between the human and elfin world, unsure of who he is anymore. Left with a hollowness he can’t fill, Kai aches to find solace in the one elfin he trusts, a Sidhe Lord named Ryder but he has unfinished business with Dempsey’s estranged brother, a man who’d long ago swore off anything to do with the feral elfin child Dempsey dragged up from the gutter.

Reeling from past betrayals, Kai searches for Dempsey’s brother, hoping to do right by the man saved him while trying to keep one step ahead of the death haunting his every step. Kai never thought he’d find love or happiness as a Stalker but when Death comes knocking at his door, Kai discovers a fierce need to live life to the fullest — even if that means turning his back on people he calls family.

Join the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog Tour! Stop One: Tyra’s Book Nook!

Welcome back to Kai Gracen’s world and the Silk Dragon Salsa Blog tour! Visit each stop and enter that blog’s $20 USD gift certificate giveaway!

Today’s stop is: Tyra’s Book Nook

July
9           Tyra’s Book Nook
10         Paranormal Romance Guild
12         The Blogger Girls
13         Reading Reality
14         Love Bytes
15         MM Good Books

And be sure to pick up your own copy of Silk Dragon Salsa at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon and other fine online book stores!
Dreamspinner Link: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/silk-dragon-salsa-by-rhys-ford-11709-b
Universal Amazon Link: mybook.to/SilkDragonSalsa/

Silk Dragon Salsa by Rhys Ford
SoCalGov Stalker Kai Gracen always knew Death walked in his shadow. Enough people told him that, including his human mentor, Dempsey. Problem was, the old man never told him what to do when Death eventually caught up.

Where Tanic, his elfin father and the Wild Hunt Master of the Unsidhe Court, brought Kai pain and suffering, Dempsey gave him focus and a will to live or at least until everything unraveled. Now caught in a web of old lies and half-truths, Kai is torn between the human and elfin world, unsure of who he is anymore. Left with a hollowness he can’t fill, Kai aches to find solace in the one elfin he trusts, a Sidhe Lord named Ryder but he has unfinished business with Dempsey’s estranged brother, a man who’d long ago swore off anything to do with the feral elfin child Dempsey dragged up from the gutter.

Reeling from past betrayals, Kai searches for Dempsey’s brother, hoping to do right by the man saved him while trying to keep one step ahead of the death haunting his every step. Kai never thought he’d find love or happiness as a Stalker but when Death comes knocking at his door, Kai discovers a fierce need to live life to the fullest — even if that means turning his back on people he calls family.