I butt my head against a lot of things. The fact there’s not enough hours in the day. The idea that I could walk off a broken toe (Thank TA Moore for that). The reality that dairy really hates my guts and my guts hate it right back but sometimes you’ve got to risk being sick for a scoop of ice cream on a hot day.

I also HATE being sick.

I was raised you go to the doctor when you’re ready to die. This might sound counter-intuitive considering all of the nurses and other responders we have in our family (including my mother) but this is a mentality that persists. When you are ready to die, that’s when you go to the doctor. I know. It makes no sense. I didn’t make this tradition / mindset up. It came with the genetic package that included Asperger’s, webbed fingers and a high pain tolerance.

So it’s been a fucking pain in the ass practically living at the doctors and testing labs since Feb. Long story short, I’m okay. Long story medium-length; I wasn’t okay and have since fallen off the no-meds for anxiety/Aspie wagon.

Now that isn’t a bad thing. There are times when cognitive behaviour modification doesn’t quite cut it. But what does happen is every little worry is set to 11 and hyper intense. I don’t have a shield against this. Even when I KNOW something is of little risk or a off-chance. Doesn’t matter. My brain is there and knitting that anxiety a sweater so it can sweat out all its juices into my thoughts. That’s just the way shit is.

So, meds. That’s what helps build the walls.

BUT also getting the news I’m clear of any cancers so all the worrisome shadows on tests and all of the oddities wrong with my body are just a part of the whole weirdness in general. Less anxiety DOES help me feel better. There’s still stupid things wrong with my gut but they’re the same stupid things and don’t have to be escalated.

I kicked out the meds the doc first gave me because they were going wrong in my head and we’re heading back to an old one I took because it works. Always examine what meds do to you. They’re a good help but approach carefully.

So… NEWS! I have TWO cover reveals coming on The Novel Approach this Friday. And it’s a bit of an update of what I’m doing this quarter.

I’ll be in Florida in September. No, seriously…. I’m there for like three weeks. BUT TA Moore will be joining me so… god help you all.

I’ll also be at GRL with swaggy stuff. I’m hoping to get my shit together and get a back stage pass package done for people. I really need to get a handle on what swag is in the house and what needs to be moved out. It’s overtaking a huge cabinet.

So, that’s where I’m at. Oh…and I’m working on bringing Ivo to you in 2019. Watch this space for details.

Well, mostly I’ve been trying to juggle doctor appointments, words and throwing out my back. It’s been a pain on all levels.

Hopefully today the appointment I have will either put everything to rest and I can go on with my bad self or it will be the start of a long haul of stuff and more appointments, depending on the outcome.

As many of you know… and I’ve been very open about… I have Aspergers and often sink into a depression. Or rather steep down further into it. The meds I’d been given were new to me and well, let’s just say all they did was make me angry and less patient. Like no filter angry. So… I’m switching again.

Now this is something a lot of people will talk about. Finding the right combo of meds to alleviate symptoms so you can reorient yourself. And a key part of that is behaviour modification as well as behaviour awareness. I react VERY badly to wellbutrin and cymbalta. I also get depressed if I have too much of anything peanut related, which sounds crazy but there were studies done on peanuts/peanut butter (as well as non-legume nuts like almonds and the like) and the effect it has on people on the spectrum. A very high percentage apparently are negatively affected by peanuts. Increases depressions, reduces the ability to manage behaviours, etc. Sometimes, sadly … I do crave peanuts, mostly peanut butter cup minis. Every once in a great while. But I’ve wandered off the point.

The point is, new meds making me raging hamster so I emailed my doc (who is new to me for these kinds of things) and said, this shit’s no bueno. So we’re switching it up before I get too far down the road with these.

Bottom line… don’t be afraid to speak up and take care of your personality when starting a new round of meds. Watch very carefully for not only physical changes but also mood swings and mental shifts.

And of course, I forgot to pick them up yesterday so.. .totally my bad. That has to get done.

The back is at the… I’m going to hurt only when you move REALLY wrong but at the same time, all of your muscles are going to ache now because you’ve kept them locked in rigid mode for the last few days because I was a fucktard spine. I’m not supposed to take ibuprofen but my kidney levels are great and well, I hurt. Ibu was taken.

I’m going to be in Florida in a few weeks. Starting in St. Pete’s then moving around a bit before landing in Orlando by the mid-month. And I’ll have one of the Five with me! TA Moore… who is my twin of sorts. Seriously, we were born on the other sides of the world for a reason. God has a plan to keep you all alive and well! Trust me on this. MUAHAHAH. Okay I’m back.

And now I’m gone because this is way too long. 😀