I butt my head against a lot of things. The fact there’s not enough hours in the day. The idea that I could walk off a broken toe (Thank TA Moore for that). The reality that dairy really hates my guts and my guts hate it right back but sometimes you’ve got to risk being sick for a scoop of ice cream on a hot day.
I also HATE being sick.
I was raised you go to the doctor when you’re ready to die. This might sound counter-intuitive considering all of the nurses and other responders we have in our family (including my mother) but this is a mentality that persists. When you are ready to die, that’s when you go to the doctor. I know. It makes no sense. I didn’t make this tradition / mindset up. It came with the genetic package that included Asperger’s, webbed fingers and a high pain tolerance.
So it’s been a fucking pain in the ass practically living at the doctors and testing labs since Feb. Long story short, I’m okay. Long story medium-length; I wasn’t okay and have since fallen off the no-meds for anxiety/Aspie wagon.
Now that isn’t a bad thing. There are times when cognitive behaviour modification doesn’t quite cut it. But what does happen is every little worry is set to 11 and hyper intense. I don’t have a shield against this. Even when I KNOW something is of little risk or a off-chance. Doesn’t matter. My brain is there and knitting that anxiety a sweater so it can sweat out all its juices into my thoughts. That’s just the way shit is.
So, meds. That’s what helps build the walls.
BUT also getting the news I’m clear of any cancers so all the worrisome shadows on tests and all of the oddities wrong with my body are just a part of the whole weirdness in general. Less anxiety DOES help me feel better. There’s still stupid things wrong with my gut but they’re the same stupid things and don’t have to be escalated.
I kicked out the meds the doc first gave me because they were going wrong in my head and we’re heading back to an old one I took because it works. Always examine what meds do to you. They’re a good help but approach carefully.
So… NEWS! I have TWO cover reveals coming on The Novel Approach this Friday. And it’s a bit of an update of what I’m doing this quarter.
I’ll be in Florida in September. No, seriously…. I’m there for like three weeks. BUT TA Moore will be joining me so… god help you all.
I’ll also be at GRL with swaggy stuff. I’m hoping to get my shit together and get a back stage pass package done for people. I really need to get a handle on what swag is in the house and what needs to be moved out. It’s overtaking a huge cabinet.
So, that’s where I’m at. Oh…and I’m working on bringing Ivo to you in 2019. Watch this space for details.