The Tale of A Donut

I actually want to talk about an event in my life that embedded something inside of me. I think I’ve talked about this before but if you’ve heard the story, feel free to skip it.

I was probably about eleven or twelve and we were living in Waianae on the leeward side of O’ahu. Now, there were a lot of issues with me back then. And I’m not to go into them here but needless to say, I was struggling to stay afloat. I was being bombarded at all sides and the support system I had recently disintegrated following the deaths of my two grandfathers as well as the collie I’d been given as a baby. This led to an escalation of violence and abuse by my father who no longer had anyone to tell him to stop.

See, I was trying so hard to find out who I was and to survive should’ve loved and protected me but pretty much was willing to kill me, both physically and psychologically. My world was an upside down mess of a labyrinth and I was lost.

One day I’d gone out with my younger sister — she’s four years younger than I am — and I had some money on me. We stopped at a bakery because I was going to buy us donuts. She picked out one and I picked out another but I didn’t have enough money on me.

The woman behind the counter told me to come back tomorrow with the difference. Her coworker who was standing behind her told her that was the wrong thing to do because I would not return with the money. I remember her looking at that other woman and say sometimes you have to trust, sometimes you have to give people the opportunity to do the right thing.

It was like fifteen cents and I made sure I stopped by after school the next day and gave it to her. She turned to her coworker said, “See?”.

I still can’t even talk about this without crying.

She gave me something very special that day. She taught me what integrity was.

It wasn’t something I understood and there was a dual purpose to be returning, one because she extended her trust to me and I kind of wanted to say fuck you to the other woman. Because she made me less than what I was, or at least less who I wanted to be.

I didn’t practice that lesson until I turned nineteen and realized I didn’t care for the person I was. And it’s not like I’m a fantastic person. I am envious and jealous and spiteful and angry and I still question the value and whether or not I make a difference. My legacy will not be children or a groundbreaking, life altering discovery that changes the world. And I question that too because why are we here if only to exist?

I think we have to do better than just survive our lives. Or at least I hope that’s the point of all of this. That woman changed who I was, who I was going to be. And it may sound stupid but it was a single defining moment I can point to and say, someone believed there was a bit of humanity in me and I refused to let them down.

So, to the nameless woman who worked in a Waianae bakery over forty years ago, I say thank you. You did something for someone. Something they carried with them their entire lives. I cannot repay you for the gift you gave but I hope to give it to others. I hope your life is wonderful and joy filled and I am eternally grateful for your faith.

Take what you want out of this post. I just needed to share this today. Hope it reminds you there are good people out there, and maybe even remind you that you’re one too. ❤

New Sinners Swag at the Rhys Ford Merch Store

Since I forgot to announce this and I’m obviously not all that right in the head after the flight back home… I’m doing this now. *grins*

There are two new designs in the store…both for the Sinners series. I’ll be following up with a new Cole McGinnis logo (I hate the one there now) AND a Kai shirt.

Let me know what you think should be in the shop. 😀

Heading to NYC tomorrow.. BUT working on finishing Kai

So much going on and honestly, most of it is on the page. I’m carving at the end of Kai but I’m heading to NYC for the LAMBDAs tomorrow night on a redeye. I’ll be hitting Newark at about 5:30ish in the morning and then heading into the City.

Plans are to write, talk, coffee… oh and meet up with CS Poe and readers at Faces and Names on Saturday. If you’re around, drop on by.

Join me and Greg Tremblay TODAY! 10 am PST, Sat May 26 for a Live Podcast on Beaten Track Radio!!

Greg and I will be chatting about God Knows What on Saturday but let’s face it, we always have a great time visiting so come join us!

Saturday, May 26 for a TWO hour chat Starting at 1o am PST / 1 pm EST. We will be hosted by Beaten Track Radio.

RSVP on FACEBOOK for the event!

Join me and Greg Tremblay on Sat May 26 for a Live Podcast on Beaten Track Radio!!

Greg and I will be chatting about God Knows What on Saturday but let’s face it, we always have a great time visiting so come join us!

Saturday, May 26 for a TWO hour chat Starting at 1o am PST / 1 pm EST. We will be hosted by Beaten Track Radio.

RSVP on FACEBOOK for the event!

Sin and Tonic on Audio and Tristan James

So Tristan James, my delightful narrator for the Sinners (and others) series, has given me a short clip of what he’s got going on right now.

Oh… and he’s now LIVE on Facebook if you want to drop on by and say hey. Can’t promise he’ll be on a lot because you know, we all SHOULD be focused and working but stop by if you can. You can find him at Mr Tristan James (

Writing Kai and Saying GoodBye To the Sinners Boys

Well, Sinners Gin / Crossroads Gin has left the building. I’ll be deleting the shortcut on my desktop in a few minutes and I will be closing that chapter of my life.

It’s an odd thing doing that. It’s only pixels. A shortcut on the desktop but as most writers will tell you, it’s a significant thing. It means I will not need to have Miki, Damie, Forest and Rafe at my fingertips any more.

Sad but oh, Happy Endings.

Not that I won’t go back and have some short stories once in a while and maybe that novella of Con and Forest kicking in my head but ah, the end.

Lots of words happening for Kai 3. I have a tentative title but we’ll see. Stuff changes. This one might change. I like the title but it might not suit.

Speaking of Kai, here’s a photo of the night sky near Kilauea on the Big Island taken by Matteo Belli. This isn’t far from my mom’s house. Everyone’s fine. No one’s in danger at the moment. And there’s fountaining in some of the fissures but so far, everything’s okay.

The lava fields form so much of the Pendle Run and well, heavily influenced by Pele and the Halemaumau area*. So, it’s kind of ironic the volcano is having events while I’m writing this book.


* The name is a bone of contention among people. Halemaumau means house of fire and Halema’uma’u means of House of the ma’umau’ fern. I reject the okina placement and all of the older Hawaiians and locals say Halemaumau. Yes, there’s a legend about Kamapua’a filling the area with ferns to seduce Pele but she kicked his ass to the curb.