Some people ask why I don’t have children. It seems like a logical thing for people to do. Have kids. I adore kids. I get along with them well. Kids usually love me. I make them feel safe and they know they can tell me anything without being judged. I spoil them but I also demand they be decent people. I do not withold my affections because of a single mistake but neither do I excuse bad behaviour, in them or myself. I apologize to kids if I make a mistake because let’s face it, kids need to know an adult is human enough to say I’m sorry.
But there is something inside of me…something left by someone else… that makes me wary of actually raising a child of my own.
This is that something.
For some of us, childhood is something to survive. Some of us that do survive it want to celebrate those that make it a wonderful time to experience. So when you ask me, why I don’t have children, it’s because I can’t give a child the happiness it would deserve but damn it, I will certainly cheer you on as you raise yours right.
A lot of my education happened outside of the classroom. This is probably true of most people who attend a public school in a depressed district. Resources for teachers are poor and oftentimes, you spent more time going over stuff that you learned last year. It’s a lot of catch-up and do you remember? So, how do you learn about the world outside of your little space?
I read.
Problem with learning that way? You don’t hear the words you read. You know what they mean and can recognize them but really, once you have it in your head how something is pronounced, it’s gonna stick.
These mis-speaks lead me to my pet peeve… people who “correct” other people when they speak; either in pronunciation or if their brains farted and their mouth grabbed the first word that popped up… say mallow instead of yellow. If you know what the other person meant*, then there’s no need to correct them. Height of rudeness in my book. So mis-speak all you want around me, have no fear of sounding ignorant because I know what you mean unless I ask.
It’s a sign that you learned about the world and language like I did and Dude, if I had a gang sign I could flash you, I would. ’Cause it’s like we’re Gansta Readas.
Word.
Regardless on how it’s pronounced.
* Okay, there are times when you might really not know what word they’re using, so apologize and ask for clarification if needed. If not, fake it. Pretend you’re having dinner with someone you don’t care for but gotta share a plate with. No, Bi… we really didn’t know what colahndehr was. :::stuffs you with ddukbokki::::
I’ve just put the final words on the end chapter of Sinner’s Gin. My brain’s kind of lean and I swear to God, my eyes are a blurring liquid in my head. I am going to let it rest and plot out Dirty Laundry (Tentative title for Cole and Jae’s next book) then off into the editing purge to see if SG makes any sense. I’ll be posting excerpts from SG once I get my head in place.
So to keep you company, I’m going to drop a bit of Black Dog Blues to hopefully entertain you. Tonight’s dinner is steak. I’m very lazy. Like I said, no brains left. Without Further Ado… BDB: Kai meets Ryder.
I used to make these for my Grandpa. I was 6 or 7 when I first made him these. Before then, well, I had a failed omelette. With everything he liked… green onions, ham, cheese, hot cocoa powder, coffee (grounds) and ketchup.
I’ve gotten a little better since then.
Damned if he didn’t eat it though. THAT’S how you know your grandfather loves you.
Mind you, I also made him coffee. THAT came out much better. I might have put too much sugar in it. I can’t remember.
This is my friend Bianca whom if you ever have the pleasure of meeting, you’ll no longer wonder if there are unicorns in the world…for really, she is one.
I wanted to post this here because I am proud of her for entering this competition and honestly, she rocked this song.
What this video doesn’t show is the MC asking the woman in the front row if she was crying. Because Bianca’s song made her cry. I adore Bi. She is one of the lights in my life. If you find a light like her, hold onto that light because they make your life worth living.
If you are one of these lights, chances are you don’t know it but you should be treasured. Those of us who have one, thank you greatly for your presence.
Yes, I taped this on a potatoe. You can’t see her very well in this. My apologies. I even have multiple cameras! But no, all I brought with me was my phone. I am a failure as an Asian. T____T But you can still hear her. :::cheers:::
Suddenly Lyrics (English)
I couldn’t come up with any words.
I really did not know I’d see you again.
Somewhere buried deep inside my heart.
I have longed and ached for you.
When I turn around I see the smiling face.
The face that is always there, behind me.
This dizzy feeling keeps me up at night.
Traces of you keep me crying again.
Tell me now, how was I wrong?
Tell me now, was I lacking?
I really desired you like crazy.
I always prayed that I could see you again.
I feel as though I will die like this.
Can’t you be the one coming to me now.
Please.
I told myself I’d be fine alone.
That I could do well without you.
I tell myself this as I try to force myself to sleep.
But all I can think of are the way you speak and look.
Tell me now, how was I wrong?
Tell me now, was I lacking?
I really desired you like crazy.
I always prayed that I could see you again.
I feel as though I will die like this.
Can’t you be the one coming to me now?
I really desired you like crazy.
I always prayed that I could see you again.
I feel as though I will die like this.
Can’t you be the one coming to me now?
Please.
Please.
