It is funny how I am constantly doing nothing but at the same time it seems like there isn’t any space to add to my day for the things that I need to do. I am in an odd cycle of trying to get my body back into some kind of semblance of working order, scratching at a day job which takes up a lot of my brain, and then trying to grab the tidbits of writing that are floating up into the stratosphere of my thoughts.

I have a great desire to write. And I’m angry that I don’t have access to that subspace that I’m very comfortable in but I think it’s a matter of exercising that muscle again. Because in a lot of ways it is a muscle.

Oddly enough, I’ve also been fighting with my dictation software because for some reason it keeps uninstalling itself. There is obviously a glitch and the tech desk has opened up the ticket because we haven’t been able to replicate it once it’s installed again. So now it’s pretty much on a watchlist stand if it misbehaves again there will be a coding spank.

The hardest thing that I’m having to do is to remember how to dictate. They really can’t be any modulation in your voice which you would think would be easy for me because you know… Autistic… But after so many decades of masking and forcing social interaction through my voice, I find myself modulating even when I don’t need to. The weird thing is that my modulation isn’t really that good. I used to think I had an expressive voice but I have discovered after speaking to people that know, there is still a monotone aspects to it and I guess that’s just something I can’t break away from. But apparently for Dragon Speak it is enough of a modulation for it to tell me to fuck off and it will do what it likes with my words.

I do like dictating because it allows me to pretty much stare off into the distance and shuffled through the words that come up to describe the images that I have sculpted out of the brain vomit. Writing is an odd thing. I also find it amusing that I dictate my writing rather my stories which goes into a Word document, gets chewed through editing cycles, gets formatted into e-book and print making it a tangible object of sorts; a digital imprint as well as a paperback book. And when that is all done, someone else takes those words and turns them into an audiobook. A full circle if you will. Because we start with sound and then we end with sound.

If I’m lucky enough to get stuff in audiobooks.

The creative structure and the process of what we ll go through is always fascinating. And of course it varies from person to person and from media to media. There are some creators that I absolutely adore and they don’t update as often as I would like them to. I know that refrain. But when they do it’s all such a delight me and that’s real is so short. You just want to savor it but you can’t. It’s that little tidbit of chocolate that melts away as soon as it touches your tongue.