Trying to get my life back on track seeing as it’s gone upside down these past couple of months. It’s hard on the head and I’m a bit oversocialized. Which of course screws with my head even more. So off to talk to the doc about readjusting the brain chems et al.
Honestly, I hate using Aspergers as an excuse for stuff but there’s a certain point where I just can’t break through and react typically. I mean I can literally feel that wall. Or membrane. It feels more like a membrane if that makes any sense. Like it gives but not a lot and it hurts to try to push further. Rebound brain gives massive headaches.
Everyone is different on the spectrum. I think that makes it worse because there’s no… Ah-HAH I know how to react to that behaviour. We all have our wired in quirks and it’s a constant education of people around us to adapt. People I love and am close to sometimes forget I have a reason for saying; I can’t deal with that right now. What I’m saying is, the lines have moved and what I could adapt to yesterday is a hard wall for me today. It’s frustrating but the sooner I accept that spectral (hah) limitation, the easier it is for me to de-escalate the frustration. And head off a brain meltdown.
If you do know someone on the spectrum and is good at “passing for human” (Because that’s pretty much our end goal as success, hiding that we’re on the spectrum), and they are comfortable enough to not mask, please understand that some days might be harder than others and truly listen and adapt when they communicate. It could be something as simple as losing the modulation in their voice (which is so awesome to finally not have to force because it feels like taking off a brain-wrapping bra) to perhaps needed the sound lowered on the TV even if it’s a volume that was okay an hour ago. Our “disability” is an invisible one and often one we fight with ourselves. And I can say sometimes it pisses us off too. Trust me on that.
So… wear a mask, eat your veggies, drink a lot of water and most of all, make sure you do one kind thing for yourself today.