Good Morning!
Trying to get my life back on track seeing as it’s gone upside down these past couple of months. It’s hard on the head and I’m a bit oversocialized. Which of course screws with my head even more. So off to talk to the doc about readjusting the brain chems et al.
Honestly, I hate using Aspergers as an excuse for stuff but there’s a certain point where I just can’t break through and react typically. I mean I can literally feel that wall. Or membrane. It feels more like a membrane if that makes any sense. Like it gives but not a lot and it hurts to try to push further. Rebound brain gives massive headaches.
Everyone is different on the spectrum. I think that makes it worse because there’s no… Ah-HAH I know how to react to that behaviour. We all have our wired in quirks and it’s a constant education of people around us to adapt. People I love and am close to sometimes forget I have a reason for saying; I can’t deal with that right now. What I’m saying is, the lines have moved and what I could adapt to yesterday is a hard wall for me today. It’s frustrating but the sooner I accept that spectral (hah) limitation, the easier it is for me to de-escalate the frustration. And head off a brain meltdown.
If you do know someone on the spectrum and is good at “passing for human” (Because that’s pretty much our end goal as success, hiding that we’re on the spectrum), and they are comfortable enough to not mask, please understand that some days might be harder than others and truly listen and adapt when they communicate. It could be something as simple as losing the modulation in their voice (which is so awesome to finally not have to force because it feels like taking off a brain-wrapping bra) to perhaps needed the sound lowered on the TV even if it’s a volume that was okay an hour ago. Our “disability” is an invisible one and often one we fight with ourselves. And I can say sometimes it pisses us off too. Trust me on that.
So… wear a mask, eat your veggies, drink a lot of water and most of all, make sure you do one kind thing for yourself today.
The fact that you are seeking support means you are on the right track! It’s the one that say, ‘I am alright’ when they are not are the ones I worry about. Steer a steady course, and stay with the wind.
PS “Passing for human” is highly over Rated.
It actually isn’t. It allows me to function in society where no one knows or cares that I struggle with Aspergers. It’s harder for me… and a lot of people on the spectrum… to go about our days without masking and it allows us to have coping mechanisms in place to deal with the errant behaviours that derail us. It’s important to not miminize this kind of skill set but at the same time, hopefully people in our lives adapt and understand that it is a coping mechanism and not one we want to always have on. 😀
People don’t remember the ordinary, its the extraordinary that are are remembered. I think you are extrodinary. I love your books, keep up the good work.
Mostly today people have told me… don’t worry about it, just ignore it and I’m all… dudes, I cannot 😀 I wanna keep my relationships! *grins*
Your post today comes at the perfect time. I am learning to deal with my new 12 year old nephew. With covid his regular care options are not available. So we are spending afternoons getting to know each other. Your description gives me a little better idea of what is going on inside his head. We have not had a meltdown yet but have felt like we have been skating on the edge.
It’s harder when you’re that young and you kind of know what you need sorta but don’t have the language skills to frame it in such a way that someone outside of the spectrum would understand.
I tend to think in ways of… my skin or brain are getting too tight so I need breathing room. I need to break things down into smaller chunks, smaller bits of information so I can go thru them like a flow chart. That’s the hardest thing to manage, the handling of complex tasks or even what might seem to be simple ones but the ensuing results can be overstimulating.
We have a new washer and drier that literally sings and chirps as I dial in the information it needs. Some days it’s cool. Other days it’s a distraction.
What we REALLY don’t want to constantly hear are things like… Did you take your meds? Tell me what you need…. usually what helps are things like… what can I do to make it easier for you to have some space in dealing with this? Also, oddly enough, if things are getting overwhelming and anxious, suck on a flavoured ice cube. or even just a plain one. The physical motion often helps calm the cognitive whirls and gives some space.
The best advice I can say is… listen… and not just to his words but also his body language. And understand that we can’t read people. For the most part, that’s the hardest thing to learn because we’re constantly having to process small signals people give off… things you learn as children we have to learn by cues. And often times, we respond in flat tones, which sounds like we’re angry or indifferent but we’re not. We might even think we’re emoting AF but in reality, we are not. Not to a typical person. So then we escalate to yelling or screaming out of frustration.
I wish there were a book. A manual. Hell, I’d want one for myself 😀 It’s stuff we all have to learn and if there’s ever professional help to learn these coping skills / triggers… take it. He’ll be saner for it. Happier. All of those together words. It’s soup when you’re trying to do it yourself.
*sends hugs* go you!