I actually haven’t just rambled here in a long time so bear with me for a bit. This past year has been a fleeting one but heavy, burdened with a lot of things I have had to scrape off in order to move forward. Oddly enough, it’s also been a bit of a journey to find out where I am, who I am and honestly, who is with me.

The past couple of years brought a lot of sadness and stark truths to my life. I’d always been… obtusely oblivious for lack of a better word and trusted a lot of people who I called friends. That was shaken quite a bit and now, in the ruins of so much, there are still pillars I can lean on. So in a lot of ways, I guess it’s something I truly had to go through in order to discover who was with me. And that while I know I’m going to be hurt because a lot of people truly do not be careful with others’ emotions, I’m better for knowing I’ve not compromised who I am inside. And have dealt with just the crappiest things but I’ll be okay. Coming out on the other side will happen. I just have to have faith of it going forward.

Faith is a fucking hard thing to hold on to and it gets tested all the time. Seriously. It’s a bitch.

Mind you, I’m rambling here so… I’m going to be all over the place.

I’ve also just come to accept (?) the Aspergers part. Yes, I still mask. I think it’s just automatic coping mechanisms but I’m kinder to myself when I don’t or forgiving myself more for those quirks when my brain says… Nope, can’t listen to that chime on the phone anymore, it’s burrowing down into my ear drum so change it.

I used to say; just power thru it. I’m big on confronting the aversion aspects of this damned spectrum shit but sometimes, I don’t have to. I don’t have to do it all the time and I needed to remember that. I’m never going to be “normal human” and I have to accept that. There’s things people do that make absolutely no sense to me and I can’t comprehend the why of it. And that’s okay. Learning to be okay with those things you cannot change… ooof, that’s hard.

Not gonna lie. Aspergers sucks. And yeah, it’s not the worst thing. You always hear that. It could be worse. I’m like… fucking hell, it isn’t a competition of sad-sackness. Sometimes it’s just fucking tiring and I hate fighting for the normal. Because while people say they’ll make allowances for spectrum people, they kind of don’t. Not really. It’s tiring for them too. Most often there’s huge misunderstandings and we spend more time explaining and smoothing things out in our relationships than actually living our lives. But you know, you gotta keep trying.

Dogs and cats are a hell of a lot easier.

Right now, Gus (The Blond Potato) is sleeping off a long weekend of hard activity and much company. He reached saturation point on Sunday and kind of gave up socializing but rallied yesterday. But today, he’s all… let me sleep. Partied way too hard this past week so… no Borking today. It’s also going to rain. Which would be nice.

And I’m off to create words. I hope they are good ones. I also hope all of you have a great week and one filled with laughter and good food. And coffee. If that’s your thing 😀

I’ve never seen a frogfish being prepared. This is so interesting. There’s auto captions if you like for now but usually more accurate ones are done later on.

Gotta be honest, Renner makes the character for me. This looks fun.

I’ve had this. It is SO damned good.

 

I seriously lose track of time. I did before the pandemic as well so that’s not surprising.

Let’s see… news. I have a procedure scheduled for Aug 2nd which hopefully will yank me back among the living and thriving. If not, there’s alternatives we can do. I’m fine just… trapped in a cycle of icky shit that really prevents me from doing a bunch of anything.

Gojira the New and Horrible apparently seems to be having a REALLY hard time settling in. She might have to ruminate on things a little bit. To be honest, she lurves her big brother Badger, ignores the Potato, and gives Harley ample respect. Which is all good. She will also probably eat us out of house and home before she’s fully grown.

Spent Monday in the Firebird for a bit. Got him gassed up and washed then did a short toddle over down to Balboa Park… which I’ve absonded with for the Southern Rise Court in Kai’s world. It was really a pleasant day and everyone was out just enjoying the great weather but most of all, being courteous to one another about masking, etc.

Well, for the most part. We are opening up here in California but there are cautionary measures which I fully endorse.

Most of all, I don’t want anyone to lose anyone in their family. Not a bad thing to want.

Tonight’s dinner is actually chicken long rice but no long rice because well, the store didn’t see fit to pack it into our groceries so it’s over calrose rice instead.

Which is NEVER a bad thing.

I am hoping to plot something out this week. Or maybe just try to get my brain facing forward. It was great to have Tengu back because he’s been in the shop getting all spiffied up with a whole new rear axle and a bunch of other work. So it’s kind of like learning how to drive him again because he’s a bit of a tighter response but very quick off the line. He handles absolutely amazing but still, it’s a lot of power and you’ve got to be very aware of that when you hit the gas pedal.

That’s it for this Second Monday. Really, if you celebrated with a long weekend, hope you had a great one. If you did not get a long weekend, then you deserve one.

Or ice cream.

God, don’t get me started on the ice cream ordering debacle we had. But it’s ice cream and that’s never bad.