Perhaps Unpopular Opinion
I know a lot of women see their “power” in their vaginal region but I honestly am not that attached to it and haven’t given it this much thought. EVER.
In going through all of these surgeries and organ removals, it’s been interesting to see and hear how people assign a feminine aspect to body parts. For some it’s the vagina itself and others attach significance to the labia and other spots. Now this isn’t about female circumcision — which is a horrific and dehumanizing practice — but rather what DEFINES sexual identity and the power people give certain fleshy areas, including boobs.
I am mostly annoyed at the hijacking of my life by my organs. They (including the ones that have been yanked out) have been dominating my life for the past few years and continue to do so as I slog through surgery after surgery, infection after infection. When I came out of surgery the first time and someone in the recovery room said; We are sorry but we had to remove your uterus and other parts. My first reaction was; I’m not.
Because, dudes, it was all a fucking mess and I knew that simply by living through it and trying to convince the medical teams there was something wrong. Let me tell you there is not a single smudge of pleasure to be found in that “I Told You So.” after being carved up and it going horribly wrong because it was THAT bad.
I am not sorry those pieces were taken. I AM mad and sorry that I’m still dealing with the aftermath of medical apathy and being told no, you’re not in pain, nothing’s wrong, you’re just over-reacting. Hint: I was not.
So here we are. Sans parts and still dealing with stuff but do you want to know something? My femme identity / sexuality — or rather I guess the percentage of that ID because I’m fluid on the whole thing — isn’t defined by a pleasure point between my legs, labia, or even breasts.
My sexuality is driven by how I feel. What turns me on. Visually, Viscerally. Emotionally. And Physically.
I could be an eyeball on a stick and still be gender fluid. My body doesn’t define me but it also doesn’t mean someone isn’t yearning to have their body define them. We all have different needs, different gut reactions to the things that make us whole. I don’t have the right to decide who is a woman or not. No one does. And we certainly can’t depend on body parts for definition. We have to accept that some people NEED that and some people don’t. If you do, and you don’t “match” how you feel, I will certainly support you and fight for you to meet that need. But I also expect support in return when I say, I don’t need that to define me. And it’s okay that I don’t.
Do not mourn my uterus. The fucking thing tried to kill me and it was yeeted with extreme prejudice. My sexuality and gender remained because I didn’t keep those things there. But I am here for you if you need support and know that I understand how you feel, even if I don’t feel the same way about my own body. Empathy doesn’t need to be experience for experience. It simply needs to be compassion and acceptance. Regardless of what bits that person is carrying.