“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.”
― Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
I’ve started and stopped this post about ten times now. Not because I’m afraid or worried about what people will think or say. Mostly because once I settled into the reality of me, I ceased giving a shit about what people thought about who I was or what I was.
Then something came up very recently and I thought; Well, I should put something out there.
I’m going to be writing this from a purely personal voice. Nothing professional about it. The time is right for me to talk about this because it’s Pride Month and well, a neutral time for me. And it kind of saddens me that I have to lay this out with those factors in mind but it is what it is and people are who they are.
Just like I am who I am.
So, in the spirit of Pride Month and coming out, I would like to tell all of you I am agender.
I know, right? Birds didn’t fall from the sky, the erupting volcano down the street from my mom’s house is still going at it and my dog still eats cat shit out of the litter box.
So let me back this ramen cart up a bit and talk about why I’m sharing this.
A little bit is because I’m irritated (mostly at myself) but I’ll get into that later.
Anger is one of the most stupidest of reasons to be talking about this because honestly, I’ve always known I’m not a girl or a boy. I’ve just never given a shit once I settled there. I’ve always been a mix. And not the social construct of gender identity but rather the sheer lack of identifying with either one. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you I’m not much of a joiner of things. I’m so much of a non-joiner, I opted out of a gender.
I’ve never felt like a girl or a boy. And I struggled with that. I’ve struggled the fuck out of that. I’ve explored being more femme and trying to see if I wasn’t really a guy. I tried male on. It didn’t fit. Neither did female. There were a lot of identity things that caused a lot of confusion, heartache, rage, loneliness and most of all, disassociation from society and people.
At the end of it all, I realized one very significant thing… it just didn’t fucking matter.
I’m not in this life to fight about who or what I am. Shit, I’m barely holding onto my sanity and my willingness to BE in this life, what other people think about the state of my soul and how I fall on some gender spectrum is literally the last thing I’m going to be concerned about.
So… agender. Yeah that fits. Because I’ve never been one or the other but rather a mixture of both, depending on my mood and what I feel like doing.
For those playing at home:
adjective: agender; adjective: a-gender
- denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a particular gender.
“one of the mistakes is the presumption that an agender person must also be asexual”
But see, that doesn’t define me. I know. People say that shit all the time. It kind of defines a bit of you but truthfully, it’s not like I wake up every morning and chant in the mirror.
You are left-handed,
You are agender,
You are a cultural and ethnic mutt.
So why irritation or anger? Well not all of it is anger. Some of it is the realization I should share because much like writing people of colour, if I don’t write or share about my experiences or truths, how will someone who has that path ahead of them find some of the stones they need to lay down? It’s like the first time you discover your hair isn’t “wrong or broken” but something genetic and there are things you can do with it… things that are different from what media portrays. Or when you discover there are other people who can feel the push of others’ physical presence against their bodies even though they’re not touching you. To have someone’s existence echo into you. Or to learn other people are overwhelmed to the point of breaking just from social interaction?
Or that the colour red or green really looks different to the rest of the world.
You’re not going to know snow exists unless you hear about or see it. The world is a huge, vast mysterious place with an infinity of experiences only available to us if we talk about them. Even if I don’t choose to fall into a group of people going in one direction, I still want to know them, hear them. I am eager to hear about their lives and what brings them to that space. My world grows bigger with each word, with each drop of awareness I am given. And I love that about my existence, that I can go places I never will go through the others’ words.
I’m a writer in a rainbow genre and my physical form is female which sometimes makes it hard to deal with some of the crap attached to that. I’ve had no control over my body’s default setting and honestly, it’s an okay form. Gets me from point A to B. Does it shape and define me? Sometimes. Mostly when I run up against people for whom having a vagina DOES define a person and I’m left bemused and sometimes irritated that there’s a box they want to put me in.
Because if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not one for boxes.
Fuck you usually rolls off my tongue at that point. It’s my default for a lot of things, especially when someone tries to minimize me.
So… over the past few years I’ve taken a lot of shit from people about being female and writing gay protagonists. I’ve gotten emails from men telling me I shouldn’t be writing what I write. I’ve seen raging posts about women writing in the M/M genre, and I’ve seen some of my peers jump in on that bandwagon and say… “YEAH, WOMEN SUCK! They have no room or space here!” I’ve been told to my face I’m not good enough, not male enough, to be here because of a piece of flesh or the bizarre belief some have about women not having or enjoying anal so they can’t write about it.1
I’ve been told I can’t write Asian protagonists because I obviously have never met one. Or that I write too florid for consumption. That I should be driven out of the genre because I’m too old / old school to write. Or too weird. Or too…whatever
It amuses me to be told I can’t be here.
It angers me to hear anyone be told they cannot be here.
Because I’ve always felt passionately everyone should be here, regardless of their own gender or what turns them on. Or if nothing turns them on. Or if everyone does.
We all have our own unique perspectives and voices. Everyone brings something different to the table. We should welcome everyone and guide those who might get something wrong. Even if they get it horribly wrong and hopefully they listen and adjust accordingly. If not, that’s on them and not on us. We can only go forward and hope others catch up…and serve as examples of decent human beings along the way.
I’ve never spoken up about how male I am. Or female for that matter. And I had no intention of doing so because well, it didn’t matter and it’s not like I’m invested in people’s negative opinions.
Then during this past LA Times Book Festival, a man came into the booth looking for a book by Rhys Ford because he was told he should read one. And he was onboard, until he saw I was female. He picked up Rebel, read a bit of it, said oh this is well-written, then left without buying a book. Not one of mine. Not anyone else’s either.
I could be projecting but my gut tells me I’m not. If I’m wrong, then many apologies for my leaping to conclusions but it was… that kind of uncomfortable.
Now he didn’t come out and say… well, fuck that’s a chick, Hell No and I’m out of here but it was fairly clear. Body language, the simmering tenseness in his body and well, the general fuck-this-shit kind of vibe.
And when he left, everyone around me made sure to tell me it was okay. My gender was his problem, not mine. And it was. But not for the reasons they think.
I could have given him a couple of hours of entertainment if he’d wanted it but he chose to walk away from a book he may have loved (or hated) because of the flesh I was born into. A book I’d written from my oddly-gendered perspective. Because as I’ve said in the past, I don’t write with my vagina and my life experiences are not shaped by some female identity. I’m okay with who I am now. Even if others aren’t.
He chose to walk away because I didn’t fit into his narrative. So I stayed silent because well, I’m not going to beg someone to change their minds about something like that. It’s like trying to convince someone to eat a writhing squid dipped in hot sauce, they are either all in or not.
But in my habitual silence, I am not seen nor heard. And by staying silent, I am encouraging silence in others. I was not speaking up.
See, it really was about him. I wasn’t the problem. My gender or skin colour wasn’t the problem. The people around me were concerned I’d be hurt and I am grateful for that. I am. Because sometimes, you’ve got to hear you’re not the asshole or the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit.
It became complicated in my head because I felt like I never should have to speak for the right for anyone to be a writer. It didn’t matter what he thought but still, I wasn’t doing right by others either. I wasn’t putting a pin down for others to see and maybe say, hey I’m that way too. I forgot I should speak up because how are people going to know snow exists if you don’t share its existence? Same thing with being agender.
That’s on me. That’s my fuck up.
The unknown remains the unknown if we do not share, do not speak, do not question, do not say I am here. We need to show people to be less afraid of the unknown. We need to be seen, regardless of who we are. And be the best people we can be.
Everyone deserves to be a writer if that’s what they want to do. And I can only hope readers give those writers a chance not based on anything but their writing.
Unless of course they violate Rule Number One2 because free speech does not mean freedom from consequences. People shouldn’t get to be assholes and not get called on it.
I’ve never talked about being agender because I didn’t ever believe I needed to validate my place. I don’t believe in drawing the lines between people that way. I do have lines. I’ve got a line that separates tolerant and intolerant and I’ve got to say, it’s pretty clear to see who are the assholes on that spectrum.
Being a woman or a man or agender doesn’t change who I am or how I act or how I write. I’m going to write to entertain a reader. It’s okay to be a woman. Or a man. Or both. Or neither. Because regardless of what you think you are or who you are, it is how you treat others and what you give to this world truly is what defines you.
I might wear makeup sometimes. I like doing it. I won’t wear skirts. I don’t feel comfortable in them. I prefer leather and muscle cars but I also love kittens and cooking. I like action films and not much on chick-lit or films. I like dick in bed but I can totally get into the presence of a strong, independent woman. I can debone a pig with knives I’ve sharpened myself and listen to someone’s heart break then try to comfort them.
I don’t care what pronoun you want to use for me. I’m pretty open. Do what you feel comfortable with. I don’t mind she/her. I’m not a gender activist, mostly because I’ve got no time and I’ve picked enough fights already so I’m waging a few other battles. I’m not going claim outrage against things I can’t speak to but I will defend to the death someone’s right to be called by the pronoun of their choice and their willingness to throw themselves on the mercy of public opinion when they write and publish a book. I will also willingly enter into the fray and fuck someone up if they try to hurt you because of how you look or who you love. I won’t eat ketchup on my eggs and though I may tease about it, I’ll pass you the bottle if you ask for it.
Because my own personal likes, dislikes and perspectives shouldn’t damage or minimize your existence.
Any more than someone else’s should infringe on mine.
And if somehow discovering this one thing about me changes someone’s perception of me then I don’t know what to say. Because I’m still the same me I was before I hit post on this blog. I write things as I see them and my gender shouldn’t validate or invalidate me in this community.
My writing should.
What I can do and who I want to fuck doesn’t have more weight in my existence than anything else I am and the bits I was given were pretty much luck of the draw. Because in the end, I’m just Rhys.
I’ve always been Rhys, even if it took me a little bit to understand that. Okay a long bit. But I got there.
So there you go and take what you want out of this. Hopefully nothing will change. Or if it does, it’s because you’ve got questions and think maybe I can answer them. I’m not looking for accolades and I’m not asking for permission to be who I am. What I am saying here is, if you are wondering if you are alone… you’re not. As Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote; “…if truth were everywhere to be shown, a scarlet letter would blaze forth on many a bosom…”
It’s just in our case, the A’s a rainbow and it’s totally fine to let it blaze forth.
1 They do. Mind you, I don’t think I’ve ever gone through the elaborate rituals of preparation I’ve read about in some books because dudes, that much planning for sex is kind of weird. But that’s just my perspective and whatever makes them feel comfortable. We’ve actually talked about this a couple of times and have all agreed the general consensus should be lubrication is key… as well as listening to your partner’s needs.
2 Don’t be an asshole. (Deacon, Fish Stick Fridays)
78 thoughts on “The Not-So-Scarlet A”
Life. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
Who you are and whom you’ve chosen to be. I love you all ways.
I love you too, xoxo.
Mostly right now I need coffee 😀
I’m not as eloquent as yourself or many of your posts. I’m just me, an overweight grandmother who suffers other people’s stupidity and short sightedness with bad temper and crassness. I love your writing Rhys and enjoy your characters. Who or what you are is superfluous in the grand scheme … we are all different but we are also the same …
Awwww…. smooches and I adore you.
If we could all approach each other and see only human beings, nothing else matters in the grand scheme mornings. Everyone is an individual and has the right to be. More than a rainbow, it is the entire color spectrum.
All my life books have opened my eyes to the world that is beyond the street I live on, they are still doing it.. I am grateful to every writer that has given me that gift, to me nothing else matters. So as they said in the 60’s “keep on trucking, baby”.
Yep. I’ve got stuff to do! Books to write! Apparently cats to worship or so they tell me. Dog bellies to scritch! And coffee to drink!
Much love to you, honey.
I too tend to live my life also on the basis of ‘don’t be an arse hole.’ As for a person’s sex, nowt to do with me. People are people, some are OK, some are not, most try their best to be decent. What your sexual identity is, is truly irrelevant to me. I like to read, I have my favourite authors. Male, female, agender, gay, straight, whatever. You happen to be up there with my favourites, whatever your sex/sexuality, isn’t going to change that. If it matters to people, and it stops them from reading your books, a) they don’t know what they’re missing and b) they’re arseholes, end of story.
I think all of life is covered if you live by the “Don’t be an Asshole” rule, right??? xoxo
High Five ✋
“Don’t be an asshole” pretty much covers everything.
A beautiful post, Rhys, and a fine discussion of agender. I’ve struggled with the idea of gender, as it applies to me, a lot more than I have with sexuality. (Although I admit I don’t spend much time struggling with either one, because I’ve decided that not being specific works fine for me. The sexuality label I use doesn’t really cover it). I understand the timeline to coming to any conclusion can be long and the progress muddled, and I’d argue that’s at least in part because the world in the past, even more than now, doesn’t encourage it. So I’m glad for you, that you got there, and that you felt okay about sharing.
Sometimes it’s a long struggle. Because we are set up with odd expectations. xoxo Not being specific works fine. 😀
I feel this on so many levels. I tend to see myself as genderless. I wear t-shirts, jeans, crazy socks, and the same two pairs of sneakers. I wear my hair pulled back, so it looks like some weird Viking warrior hairdo because I don’t want to cut it and look like a boy because I’m not. Now it’s like masculine in the front, feminine in the back.
I often struggle with my gender identity because I worry it’s internalized misogyny that’s driving my feelings, but I never felt comfortable wearing a dress or skirt or carrying a purse. I never felt myself wearing very outwardly feminine things. At the same time, I don’t want to be a man. That isn’t the end game. I’m comfortable with my body, but in pants and t-shirts and jackets. That no man’s land of gender is a place where I can breathe. I’m still hesitant to commit to a label, especially when I look up gender terms and find people who are flamboyant or so far from what I am that I crawl back into my dull grey shell and hope other pigeon-boring queer people will find me.
Your experience selling your books is a familiar one. I was selling my books at a book fair, and someone came to the table and started asking my partner about my book. When I spoke up to answer his questions, he put the book down and left. For days I was really upset, now I’m just angry that people like him exist. That’s the sort of experience that makes me hesitate to put aside the label of womanhood.
Whatever you identify as or whether that label is still evolving, just know that your readers support you and more empathize with you than you know.
You can be who or what you want to be. And yeah, I’m in the middle of stuff and that’s totally okay. The thing to remember about THOSE people is that it’s really their problem. Rational people know writers just write. We’re bringing the words. Our lives and experiences shape our writing not our bodies. xoxo You go be you. <3
Thank you for sharing, as a very private person myself, I guess it wasn’t easy, but I hope whatever prompted you to put pen to paper and share this very personal information has been addressed. It does however, make no difference to me or I hope the people who read this, you are still very much the same person, no matter what….period…..the end.
For me it’s kind of a… why the fuck would anyone give a shit? And then I realized, I probably should if only to say… hey, you’re not alone.
Yeah, I haven’t changed. Probably won’t. The dog could fart less and I’d be okay with that but I doubt that will happen 😀
I love everything about this post. Thx for sharing something so intimate about yourself. No judgements. Love is love. P.S. Thx for no judging my love for ketchup on eggs. ☺
Well, okay I kinda shudder but no judging 😀
I don’t really think about it much, but I’d say I probably fit into this category as well. Thanks so much foI sharing and for all your awesome books! P.S. the end of whisky and wry wasn’t as bad as the end of the first book!
Hahahahah 😀 No regret!
All it comes down to is I (we) love your writing and your books.. And I also like ketchup on eggs but that is the only difference that I see. Thank you for sharing because it may help others, but as you say, who gives a fuck?
Hot sauce all the way! xoxo Smooches.
You’re a damn fine author. That’s what matters.
Aw smooches 😀
Dude… me too. For whatever that’s worth.
You’re worth everything <3
A is for AWESOME cos that’s what you are. Love you muchly xox
Love you too!
<3 Love you. You are a gift to this world. Your words, your stories, your love, your generosity, your support, your courage, your candor, your encouragement, your friendship. Pretty sure that's all just you. As you are. As you should be. .
I love you too. And well, you know me. Quite well. I try. Don’t always succeed but I try.
You however are fantastic and I am so glad to have you in my life.
I’ve been reading and recommending your books for years because they are great stories. I look forward to each and every one of them. Separately to that I love how passionate you are as an individual and really enjoy your osts because they always make me think beyond my own view of the world – please never forget that for every judgmental ‘numbot’ out there you also have hundreds of dedicated fans who love the stuff in your head. And that You share it with us – some of us are not that brave. You may not need our love and acceptance but you have it anyway. No charge.
Thank you, love. I just want to make the world a better place. Or maybe even just give someone a bit of an escape. xoxo And I adore you.
I couldn’t spell “does” today. Seriously. 😀
Whho Raa for you Rhys. You’ve got it right and like a duck in water let the a–holes run off your back. You are a fabulous writer with the best stories to be written so we can read them. You are admired and apprecited all over the world. Keep writing. your stories are eye opening and awakening.
Smooches and hugs. So long as YOU are having fun, then I’m all good. *hugs*
Well said Rhys🤗 and just so you know I have my favorite writers and only one of those are men. And he isnt a writer of this genre. But you , Mary, and. Charlie I read religiously, and I am constantly looking for new stories. So keep bringing it sister, and fuck the assholes. That’s their problem😊 be you and be proud. And seriously if that dude didn’t know you have the body of a woman then he’s stupid, your site has your face on it the dumbass🤔
Thanks for sharing Rhys. I have been questioning my own identity lately so your words offer great comfort. However, for me you are Rhys, a wonderful writer with a passion for life. I am happy to know you.
Smooches and wherever you end up, we’ve got you. xoxo
Thank you for sharing this. It matters not what we are but who we are on the inside. Kindness and understanding is all that’s needed. And I just can’t understand how people can say women can’t write gay fiction. Should all those authors who write fantasy stop because they have never seen a dragon? Should thriller and mystery authors stop because they have never killed anyone? It’s a ridiculous statement to be sure. Most of my m/m authors are female and to be honest I can’t differentiate between the male and female authors. And it doesn’t matter. I just love a good well written story. And you deliver that tenfold.
I personally would LOVE to see a dragon. From far away tho 😀 xoxo
Hi Rhys I am Erica that is how I see you a human being. And I will always see you as someone I am happy to talk to and read as well. It doesn’t matter to me what one’s gender or lack there of, whom they love as along as they are happy. I a, one of the privileged who gets a special gift every time you put pen to paper, whether it is for a book or in our group. You are my favorite writer and my first person I recommend when asked. I love your perspective on life and I try to follow rule #1 as best as I can but many some people just push my buttons.
Thank you for being you Rhys is is a privilege and an honor to meet and learn from you. Btw I still dislike snow and ketchup on eggs 😘
Yeah, I try to be a good person. Not always successful but I try. Much love to you! No Ketchup!
Tho I admit to my bewilderment on the seeming vast break down people have come up with for gender identification (I swear I got confused about my own gender when exploring the different definitions🤪)
But that aside…how can how you identify yourself ever change how I or others ‘see’ you? Thru your posts & the stories you share you have only expressed love & acceptance (assholes aside) seriously even the posts you share on the things you disagree about are spoken with powerful words but never hate or unkindness…you try to shine the light for the rest who maybe are having a hard time finding their way…so I get why you felt the need for this post, but at least for me it changes nothing😘 you are no less the author I admire for being able to share some awesome stories & talk about whatever is going on in your world that makes sense to many.
….but that’s just my 2 cents on it!
Sometimes, it’s hard. Because dude, my nature… I’m a biter. 😀 But you know… Rule number 1 😀 Smooches and much love to you.
Rhys, you’re a wonderful writer. Thank you for being you and for writing awesome books.
Thank YOU for being here! xoxo
Rhys I love your writing can never wait for your next novel, I’m not a patient person, all that aside you are an awesome person I love your honesty which is really important in this day and age and good on you for not giving a damn you should be proud of who you are 😄
I try hard to be… a good person. Don’t always make it but I try. *grins*
I never wear make up, and I’m not comfortable in skirts either. I like muscle cars and rode a motorcycle for a while. I prefer puppies, even over babies. I don’t cook or bake. I love action films. I’ll sharpen my knife but can’t stomach the thought of deboning an animal. (I stick my head in the sand and pretend my dinner came into existence already in the wrapped package!) I ate ketchup on my eggs as a child but grew out of that a long time ago, so it shouldn’t be held against me. In my world, I’m easily identified as female, which fortunately matches my own feelings. I am also your dedicated reader, and that won’t change because of your pig deboning skills. You have a way of expressing things that might be described as earthy eloquence. I just know that I’m transported when reading your words while still being totally connected to the story. Thank you for that. It’s an amazing and precious thing you share with us.
Smooches and thank you. I’ll have you know the deboning skills come in handy when writing murders *grins* I do appreciate you being here. SO so much. 😀
Thank you for sharing. I love your books.
Excellent piece. I especially liked this:
“The unknown remains the unknown if we do not share, do not speak, do not question, do not say I am here. We need to show people to be less afraid of the unknown. We need to be seen, regardless of who we are. And be the best people we can be.”
❤❤❤❤ Thank you
No words. Just love. ❤
Thank you for sharing your writing talent. All the rest is just stuff that doesn’t matter to me. 💟💖
Everyone has a stance on ketchup *grins* heh.
You. Are. Amazing.
Lots of love to you.
Smooches and love to you.
Thought provoking words Rhys, thanks for expressing your thoughts. Live you life on your terms and no-one else’s, it’s the only way to be happy.
Amazing post, Rhys. I wish gender didn’t matter either in the writing world. You know I think you’re one of the most brilliant writers on the planet and anyone who passes by one of your books because of some reason other than not caring for your writing just… I can’t. It’s so crazy and ridiculous. Thanks for writing this.
Thank you and yes, I wish gender didn’t matter either. And it shouldn’t. Hope you’re doing well!
Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. I believe we are too caught up in gender and what is expected from each. I believe that you need to be yourself and be true to that being. I would love to say that has always been my belief but like many people fell for the bullshit that religion and society feed me but then I found your books, and Mary Calms, Lynn Hagen, and Stormy Glenn and others and it open my eyes to other views and I realized that I was wrong and my whole way of thinking changed. I found things about myself that I never expected but I am grateful for. I feel bad for the gentleman he robbed himself a new experience and a chance of self discovery. Please keep being your wonderful self 😀
Maybe he’ll find his way. xoxox SMOOOOCHES! <3
You string words together so much better than my brain can come up with. I love your words and your inherent kindness – you’re kind of my hero. I became much more aware of my own hidden-from-myself pettiness and tendency to skirt the line of that Rule Number One after soaking up your books and reading what you share with us online.
Being raised in a very insular environment was not easy to break away from, but thanks to you and others in this genre my consideration and care for other perspectives and life experiences – well, humanity in general – has grown so much. You’ve been a large part of what inspired that growth, and I thank you for it.
So much respect for you.
Honestly, any kindness I have sure as hell isn’t inherent. 😀 I work hard to not break Rule #1 and I don’t always succeed. So, on those days when you just chew through it, remember it’s okay. Apologize and go forward in the hopes of doing better. 😀 xoxo SMOOCHES
Rhys! I have read all of your books – some multiple times – but have never been so moved as by this blog!! Powerful, blessed, thought-provoking, kind. Truly one of your best works! SO so very proud of your courage and bravery in “being Rhys”!!!! You make me want to be a better woman, a kinder friend and a compassionate human being!!
Kudos and blessings to you!!!!! Hugs!
Smooches and be the best you! 😀
Ive read your books and loved them for years. They’ve gotten me through spinal cord surgery (where I met Miki and Kane) and healing from childhood trauma in ways I didnt think possible after reading Sin and Tonic. They lifted a weight from me. I never once considered your gender, but I have had to come to terms with the fact that many people have a narrow list of comfortable categories to put people and experiences. The truly veteran stupid assholes who dont have a category for you have to make you wrong because you are unknown and thus scary to them. You are just as much a natural part of human nature as the rest of us, and you have kept me entertained so I dont need more pain meds and comforted me with Miki’s journey to understand his anger and accept himself as lovable after being thrown away as a kid. Ive been meaning to message you to thank you for the gift that your stories have been to me, but you dont know me and I didnt want to sound like a crazy fangirl. I think one of the coolest things a person can be is curious, fierce, and funny. My meandering message is to say thank you finally, keep being you because you never know just how much of a lasting positive impact in someone’s life youve had. ….but now you know since I just said it. Oh, and thank you for showing me what I was doing wrong with my fried rice. That was life changing as well.
Hey, mastering fried rice is a skill and I am glad I helped!
Much love to you and I am happy the Sinners boys kept you company on your journey. *HUGS* xoxo Thank you.
Words are not my forte, but I am really glad that they are yours because I have gotten hours of enjoyment visiting the worlds you create. You can use whatever words make you comfortable to describe yourself, but your talent will always shine through.
I do not understand the need to put everyone in boxes or describe everyone with one-word descriptions. The truth of the matter is I don’t really care how other people want to describe themselves, although I do wonder if we make it easier for the next person if we continue to rally behind the idea that there as many “labels” as there are people. Who really cares what pronouns people use or what they prefer to wear? I use she/her, love to wear dresses, hate to wear make-up, and never wear heals. That is only a very small part of who I am and that is likely true of most of us.
Now for the silly part – when I read “I don’t write with my vagina” my first thought was I can’t even write with my left hand, let alone my vagina!
Right??? Wouldn’t it be great if some body parts started pulling their weight in the writing arena? I’m just saying, it’s not fair for the ONE hand and the brain to do EVERYTHING!
First, How you define self, is only for you to decide. As you said, if there is a problem, it’s not yours. If you are at peace with who you are, and can live a life that brings some light to the world, that is what is important. And I like you because of Kai Gracen. Your word smithing is how I identify you. Your nom de plume is very agender. I didn’t know, when I found Black Dog Blues, if you were a male or female. I only knew you wrote a story and created a character that I loved and want more of. As you said, the writing is what matters. Now interesting enough knowing who you are gives me insight into Kai. He doesn’t read agender or gay to me but rather fluid, shifting a bit depending on circumstances between masculine and feminine sensibilities. Like you describe your self. I for one do not like M/m written by men because it’s all about the physicality of it. Plot and character and skillful writing doesn’t seem to matter to those authors: just bulging pecks, balls, and penises and how fast those things can get together. But you are a strong WRITER. I am sorry you have had the life journey you have had. At he same time, you wouldn’t be you otherwise. We are all the sum of our pain and hard fought joy. Keep writing and sharing that creative magic. Thank you.
Smooches and hugs.
Ah, I adore some male writers and female but I think it’s just who you find. That’s the hard part. It truly is. As we explore gender and all of that, I imagine we’ll be going thru growing pains, including me.
I am very grateful for your words and support. I truly appreciate it. xoxo