Funky Friday

DSCN5732I’ve been in a mood of late. It’s a flat, stale mood with punctuating stabs of blergh. A lot of this has to do with crap in life but a lot of it is really just my brain not wanting to turn over. Like a bad starter in a beat-up car.

Someone I kinda know asked me why I write. Not how or what but why. It’s actually a pretty good question because really, if you want to test your ego, I’d suggest writing a book. Because sometimes the resulting pie-splatter is like a poisoned bukake special at the two-for-one massage parlour.

There are some benefits though. For every really shitty review there is usually a balance, someone telling you they liked XYZ. There are some people I know will be shitty to me. And some who won’t be. It’s kind of a crap shoot but eventually, you soon learn people’s names and then you can say… oh yes… THAT person. Or oooohhh THAT person.

But does that make me a better writer? Reading praise and/or bashing? Not so much. It does lead me into a bad head space….which is so not good when trying to write.

Why… why do I write? Or rather why am I not writing at the moment?

Sometimes it’s the words. Or the scenes. Because sometimes I can totally see a scene and want to capture that. Other times, it’s like staring at a world coated in that chalkboard paint where everything rubs off and I’m left with nothing but powdery crap on my skin.

I will admit, when I started writing…. I had no idea the depth of hatred people have for a book. It’s astonishing. Balance that with the positive of someone really touched by something strung together out of nothing but words.

Guess which one I remember more? Go on. Guess. Take your time. I’ll wait. *grins*

Yeah, the negative but to be fair, too much of the positive can lead to a bit of arrogance no one truly needs. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I think the truth of the matter doesn’t lie in the positive or negative, as much as I dwell on whatever my brain grabs in the moment. Instead, the why of writing pretty much comes down to the story. And what I want to tell.

I’ve forgotten that part of the equation. For all the good, bad and the pressure, I just want to tell a story. I’ve books coming out. Two of them. Kai and Half Moon 2. They’re written. They’re done. I’m going to worry and fret over them like I did Absinthe of Malice and everything that’s come out before that. And everything that will come out afterwards. But when it’s all said and done, it’s whether or not I’ve done my best.

I usually do. I’ve tried and I’ve written the best I could do. At least the best place my mind could take me during that story’s time. And I need to be okay with that. *grins*

I did however make failed quesadillas the other day but that’s not my fault. How was I to know they sent me this vegan cheese that refused to melt and too thick organic tortillas?

32 thoughts on “Funky Friday

  1. Jan

    And this is why I love you as an author–that wonderful honesty that flows from your heart on to the page and into the heats of your characters like Rook and Miki.

  2. Val Barden

    Keep smiling life eventually will get tired of upsetting you. You rock Rhys. Best author out there!!!!!

  3. meep

    Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling down.

    I’ve had a few weeks of feeling ‘meh’ myself life-stuff and over-tiredness then right after my last shift of the week (literally because I work nights) I got this box in the post and life seemed that bit brighter.And if your ears are burning it’s probably from everyone around me going ‘yeah great, you have books’ and wishing I’d shut-up! You bring joy to people, or joy to me and irritation to the people around me hehe πŸ˜‰

    Not everyone is going to love everything, I can be the grouchiest most cynical of grouches but you bring characters with strength and love and dialogue that always feels natural, you have a talent. I’m not going to promise to love everything you write but I do love your writing and hope there are many books to come.

    Now excuse me, there’s a certain detective waiting for me with a coffee…

    1. Oh god don’t drink ANY coffee he makes for you. It’s always too strong and he puts in too much sugar.

      And hell, I don’t love everything I write. But fuck, I’ve written them and they’re like origami T-Rexes πŸ˜€ xoxoxo

  4. jenf27

    I’m in kind of a low point myself, so I empathize with you and wish you speed in evening out. I love your stories and hope you continue to write them. There are those of us for whom they make life a bit better.

  5. Val Barden

    Yes you’ve seen them!? Very rare less than 3000 in the world. he’s become the pet store mascot where I work. He’s getting a bling GOOSE collar. He’ll have blue eyes and a pink bill when he’s old brought to go “clubbing”.

  6. Brego

    I just heard something that struck me as apropos: How you survive is how you tell the story. You will bounce back and get those synapses firing and those fingers going. Sometimes I think, depending on the phase of the moon, the turn of the weather, naysayers, or what ever can trigger us to getting down. At times it’s hard to shake off–nearly like a dog trying to shake off an embedded tick. Other times, it’s like water off a duck’s back. What counts is not how many bad things are said; it’s the ability to roll back to your feet and leave it behind. I know you can do it. And for the record; if the criticism is constructive, let it stay. If it has nothing to contribute to the muse the page or your peace of mind, punch it then punt it over the fence to the manure pile so it could at least do some good and help the flora grow. πŸ˜‰

  7. Cheryl

    Wow, what an interesting post! So as a writer what type of feedback is productive or helpful? When you read a review what do you want or like to take away? Do you want to learn from it or is it about an emotional response to what the reviewer has written? I teach college students and at the end of the term I usually ask for feedback and things like “you rock” are nice and funny but what I appreciate is when I get something specific about a reading, text book or an assignment. I appreciate feedback that makes me think about how I can modify my teaching so students can grasp a concept easier or information about what worked for them so I can implement those variables in different situations.

    I have never written a review for any of your books, which I love and almost always read within a day or two after they are released because I am not sure what type of feedback to give. Obviously, you are very skilled at your craft and most times my wish you would keep writing so your books were twice as long because I love the characters and want to spend more time with them. However, I get the need for a story line and character development, and that all good things must come to an end. As a “reviewer” I don’t feel like I have the skills to comment on your writing technique and commenting on the story line seems like giving an individual perspective that’s so based in my experience it wouldn’t be relevant to anyone other than me…. But back to my original questions what would you like, want or need from a review?

    1. I actually should avoid reviews like the plague because no good every comes of it. Pretty much reviews hook readers so I would say write what you’d tell someone you know about whatever book you’re reading. πŸ˜€ It’s kind of what I do.

      Feedback I’m horrible at listening to. So so bad. *grins* And thank you for your kind words!

  8. edga

    I’ve had a shitty few weeks myself, so I totally understand what you’re going through. Reading Absinthe of Malice (twice!), was a bright spot. I’ve dealt with the negative and taken it to heart. It’s shit, but take heart in the positive. I post positive reviews because I mean them, I don’t give them out lightly. I’ve noticed that some reviewers post negative comments because something an author has written previously has upset them, they then take it out of said author again and again. Don’t understand that attitude, but you know what some people say (clichΓ© time) : Haters gonna Hate…

    Hope you’re feeling better soon πŸ™‚

    1. Reviews are a tricky thing. Heh. We do get caught up in them. I will admit to that *grins* but ah, I am glad you liked Absinthe. It was a necessary step to get where we needed to go. And um… yeah, the boys, I do love writing them. Smooches.

  9. I have to agree with Mary Calmes – you have such a way with all your word. Your writing reminds me of Robert B. Parker’s – he always seemed to say more with fewer words and I love that about his writing. When I read one of your books, I :feel: so much more. Thank you for telling the stories that you tell. {hug}

  10. *Hugs*
    I can only imagine being on the receiving end of a bad review…I honestly do not think I would handle some of the nasty reviews I have seen on some books well if they were directed at something I had created.😐 It would be hella hard NOT to take it to heart. Constructive criticism with a point is one thing, it would still hurt, but those who just tear down authors with no other point then being a douche are reprehensible! It takes so much courage to open yourself to other people’s opinions, which every author does.

    People can be arses.

    I just wish folks would stick with the old saying ‘if you do not have anything nice to say, say nothing at all’

    You have a gift to bring laughter & your turn of phrase to describe moments or emotion are inspiring. I adore how much heart your characters express. They are people I would like to know.

    Thank you for sharing your imagination & inner worlds with usπŸ€“β™₯️

    1. Reviews are interesting things. Because really, after the book is out, we don’t own it anymore *grins* but oh, it does sometimes still burn.

      Smooches and thank you, love. xoxoxoxo

  11. Jackie G

    I can only envy your skills and ability to write. I have loved everything I have read of yours. The characters of your stories feel so real and human. I sometimes will laugh out loud, which my husband does not find funny at three in the morning (I am a bit of night owl). Don’t let the negativity of others get to you down, there are more of us who love ya 😁

  12. B. Snow

    JFC, no, vegan cheese is not cheese. My lactose-intolerant aunt let me try a piece once. I’m not sure I was even able to finish it. Blecch.

    I’m not writing because my brain feels pulled in three or six different directions. I’m hoping it will settle down soon and then I won’t feel like running away every time I think of putting words onto the screen. At least I’m reading more now. I feel like that’s something.

    Looking forward to AoM once I’ve re-read all the other Sinners. πŸ™‚

    1. I think reading helps. As odd as that sounds, I think it helps restart the brain. God knows, I did but it went to dark places so I’m just running with it. We’ll see where it goes πŸ˜€

  13. reviewerlarissa

    *squishy hugs*
    It happens. Sometimes you just hit that low point. And to be honest (no matter what it is, writing, arts, work) sometimes it’s good. You start to analyze and review yourself. And sometimes it just helps to make a better you or improve. Reviews that bash are just trolls, but reviews that objectively critize can also maybe improve?

    But in the end you have to do what feels right to you. πŸ™‚

    1. We’ll see what comes out. *grins* xoxoxo

      And honestly, reviews should not be read. Ever. But we do. Because we’re human and we hope people like us. So there’s that. πŸ˜€

      Sometimes people read things differently and sometimes… wow… I’ve read a book then read a review and wondered where all the stuff they saw was at. *laughs*

  14. Elorie

    I am so glad you are able to talk about these things. I am a writer too, not so lucky or skilled to be published or not able to be satisfied with what I writer. But I did discoveing r that despite low esteem about just about everything else I do, I have a tremendous ego about what I write. I don’t let it out of my sight unless I am relatively satisfied, but I haven’t let it out to a publisher yet, not because I fear rejection especially (which I do to a degree) but because if I have done my best and the reviewer is unnecessarily cruel or mean (there are a lot of ways to give criticism that is helpful even if they hate it) that it just makes me mad. I really can take constructive criticism but a lot of times I just don’t agree. Reviews that are too good, make me a little suspicious, though I welcome them, unless rereading the material makes me a little less satisfied.
    Your books make me want to read the next and the next etc. To me that is one indication of a good, great writer. If I can.t wait to get my hands and eyes on the next book and I am not mentally correcting and editing it, that makes it a wonderful read for me.
    Writers are artists with words and like all artists have their moods and their drive for perfection and their easily hurt feelings as they are trying so hard to tell a story, to entertain, to make a point and tell of love devotion and the ways to make their world and THE world a better place. Without the emotions that cause the depression, the moods, the sense of having lost our way at times, the writing would be oh so different. I am sorry for your current state of mind, but as someone once said, this too shall pass.
    I wish I could meet you at GayLitCom. But it is out of my reach. I hope everyone who gets to go has a wonderful time. It is a marvelous experience.

    1. Reviews are tricky things because really they can help or harm. It all depends on how they’re taken. Writing is very personal. We all do it for our own reasons. Not all of them good. I write because I’m crazy. I’m pretty certain of that. *grins* Heh. *HUGS* Maybe a GRL in the future!

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