Words and Dots

I was going to make some sort of complicated graphic to engage a discussion about gender identity and sexual orientation. Really. It was going to be a very nice graphic and I might do one in the future. But really what it all comes down to is this.

Gender Identity as perceived by society and personal physical sexual attraction currently defines us. This actually works better as a sphere with intersecting axis but like I said. I was lazy. It could have been a square… but I don’t like squares. Imagine it in three-dimensions. Trust me. It works. We’ll be good. Think arcs.

Slide1Now please keep in mind, this is a general statement and I’d LOVE to eliminate the whole gender identity from the equation but the truth is, right now as we are as a society, we’re slotted into these gender spots ranging from supposed norms.

Outmoded as it is, it’s our current climate.

What I believe is that none of this should matter. I think that’s what made me stop and think to say… what the fuck am I saying here. It doesn’t matter if I feel more “male” than “female” or that some people perceive me as more female than male. My mother thinks I’m extremely masculine so in her mind, this places me in a physical attraction to women.

Now I like women and all… as friends but dude, there is nothing about a woman that makes me go unf. A pretty boy is something else. But once that boy crosses over to an overtly feminine aspect, the appeal is lost to me. I am probably very masculine in my attraction towards men. In my sexual attitude in that attraction. According to society. I think. Norms. Et al.

So what AM I saying here?

I don’t feel womanly. I don’t feel masculine. I don’t feel androgynous. I guess I kind of feel girly in some ways but really, not all of the trappings. So perhaps the scale should read femme vs homme? I used male/female just as a norm but perhaps those are better terms?

Slide2Using this screwed up kind of circular trapeze, I’ve placed a dot on where I’d show up in the general populace… according to me.

Now the interesting part of this is where I’d be shown if others were placed that dot.

I think it all depends on who knows what about me. Some people have said they thought I was this meek and mild femme soft person. Now I’m probably soft-hearted and sensitive but meek has never been anything I’ve placed in my personality column. Maybe I’m wrong.

But see, that’s what it all comes down to. What is perceived and what is felt by the individual.

And does it really matter?

Truthfully, not really.

Where I show up on that circle shouldn’t matter. What should matter is if I’m an asshole or a nice person. If I have ethics and morals. If I reach out to my fellow human being. If I’m willing to water the soup and scramble the eggs to stretch food out to feed my hungry neighbor. Will I help a child who is crying? Will I stop and comfort someone who has had a shitty day while they’re working customer service.

More importantly, will I stand up and say “No!” when someone is being shitty to someone else.

Those are the things that make an individual someone you’d want to know. Someone to admire. Someone to strive to be.

The circle doesn’t define WHO we are but rather the people we need to reach out to—the people we need to inspire—the people we need to love, even when they are doing things that we might not love them for. That circle is everyone. No matter where they stand or the colour of their dot.

I’m not saying that it’s easy. God fucking knows I have my days where I’m all… T-Rex looking for meal! I misspeak. I hurt with words. I hurt with actions. I am not perfect. I can only apologize and go forward and hope I do better.

Because no matter where I place myself in that circle, I’m still IN that circle. Right next to everybody else.

14 thoughts on “Words and Dots

  1. Patricia

    Helping to raise and love our grand daughter, we want her to grow up outside those constricting lines…we try to let her be her.

  2. You know, if you ask most people on most days to describe to you who they are as a person, they’d never use the words female/male. That’s superfluous; it doesn’t identify you or your character or the mark you’ll leave in this world as a human being. But what’s funny is that if you asked me who I am, I’d use words that would identify me as obviously female–daughter, sister, aunt, mom… Those words are so much more, though. Yes, they define me as female, but they also define the hole I’ll leave in someone’s life when I’m gone. I’d much rather be known as any of the above than as some random gender assignment.

    Maybe we’re all a little omnigendered, don’t you think? Whether some would admit to it or not is another story, though. Most days I feel girly, but I cuss like a motherf*cker, which is decidedly unladylike. I don’t comply to the socially assigned roles of my chromosomal makeup–I don’t sew, bake, and am not domestic. But I am loving and nurturing and am good at the things I think it’s important to be good at, which can be either female or male traits.

    You are a good person, an epic friend, an amazing sister, and that’s more than genetics, love. That’s just you. <3

    1. I love you very much, pookie. 😀 And heh. I can sew… I CAN bake if I follow directions carefully (which I suck at) and am about as domestic as a runover possum. 😀

      Definitely agree we are all omnigendered. Those lines that are drawn are being so blurred these days and I’m really glad about that. *grins* I think we all feel more comfortable not having to stay in the box. *grins*


  3. Cathy Romanczuk

    I suppose that, in many cases, our gender identity is fluid. I grew up a tomboy and went into the military after college so I could see myself as having more of “masculine” attributes. Now, as a full-time mom I don’t see as much of that. I started to type a much longer reply but–the thing I wanted to say is, thanks for making me think about this and take the time to look at myself from a different angle.

    1. There are times when I feel very girly and other times, not so much. Gender is such a fluid thing and I think more and more people are becoming accepting of that. Yay for being a mom! Dude, hardest accomplishment ever!

  4. Interesting post. Hits a lot of things I’ve been thinking about recently, including the current fight for marriage equality (in which one side seems terrified that ssm will lead to a genderless society) and a couple of my WIPs that involve gender and sexuality issues.

  5. It took me nearly 40yrs to discover girly things….. but by no means do I think of myself as male even with my male dominated field of study post secondary education. Sometimes I think over the last few years with this huge push towards PC language and attitudes we’ve turned something simple into something confusing. Which is why I refuse to call my child “autistic”… If he always refers to himself by name… shouldn’t I???

    Girly boys… Nope… then again I married a very male, farmboy 🙂

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