The worst part about a laptop deciding to die midstream is the rebuilding of said laptop. After of course it takes a trip to the computer vet to be worked on. Finally got it back up and running, located as many of the files I could, installed software… then had to hunt down Dragonspeak because the download link I had wasn’t good. Finally got that done and now, everything is up and running.

So much time and so much task avoidance in doing it. But it’s done.

I’m hoping to get more focused on what I’m writing. There’s so much I want to complete and honestly, it’s kind of daunting in some ways. I definitely need to pick something and just go for it.

I also need to remember I love writing. Remind me of that sometimes.

So, as the summer is winding down and we are heading into my favourite seasons… fall and winter… I’m looking forward to tons of rain, much coffee, and more than a few words.

I also need to find something to read. Something to sink my teeth into. Mysteries are always welcome. Urban fantasy depends on if the main character is interesting and not a Mary Sue. It’s been a challenge to find something at times but that’s because really you have to go past the blurb and truly go looking at samples of writing. I find that’s the best way to see if an author’s voice hits.

So my question to all of you… what draws you into getting a book? What’s that one thing you see when looking at the stacks of offerings and you say… that’s the one?

Tonight’s dinner is kind of a Bento. There is gochujang chicken, green onion jeon, tuna croquettes, takuan, and rice.

There’s a lot of discussion around the word māhū and usually that discussion comes not from the Hawaiian community but from people who feel like they know what the word means or rather what that personage really embodies. It’s a complicated situation in many ways because it was weaponized by people who came in to diminish others in our society and also has been used to hurt people who are not what others considered “heteronormal”.

When speaking about how authors take liberties with the Hawaiian language and culture I often get told that it’s not that serious and I pretty much should sit down and shut up. Or I get told well you know it’s just a book. You see, it’s not just a book. It literally is my culture and my people and my language and my mythologies and even my religion. I also know that my family doesn’t view me as Hawaiian in quite a few aspects because they really don’t know me at that level. Partially that’s my fault because I’m not really open when I talk about who I am but here I am talking about it.

Do I take offense when someone uses the word māhū and uses it as a excuse to label someone is gay or a derogatory label to make them feel small? Yes. Of course I would. Do I get angry when I am told by other people oh it’s not that serious? Fuck yes. Because it is serious. I get offended by plastic hula skirts and people dancing in the Lilo and Stitch hula which drives me insane because there is a hula for that song and they are not dancing it. I get it that it’s an easy lazy way out for corporations and individuals to not understand a culture that has been overthrown by the American government. We are not the first culture that that has been done to and probably will not be the last.

I know I’ve pissed off a lot of authors by saying hey that is not Hawai’i and that is not what these words mean. Because they do not want us to correct those fantasies. They don’t like being told that we’re not some exotic pet for them to keep in a cage of their making. And oftentimes that’s what it feels like. I’m not going to say I’m sorry for saying something isn’t depicted correctly or that this is an abuse of my culture, of any of my cultures.

I asked that people stop and look at what they’re doing and if you’re writing about someplace that you do not know anything about, don’t base it on that two week trip you did in Maui. Reach out to somebody who is local to that culture if you feel like you have a burning need to tell a story about that area and those people. But be prepared to be told that what you are writing is fully outside of the realm of reality because I have more than once read a book where I needed to burn the pages and I was reading on the Kindle.

So let’s start with the word māhū and really what it means. And not necessarily the way that it was twisted to become hurtful. Colonization isn’t just about taking the land but it is also about corrupting the culture and that is what we need to purge from the Hawaiian mindset. That our people and its culture and the positive things that we had as our own authentic selves should be perpetuated. Of course we do need to evolve for the time that we are in a modern world and adjust prejudices that we have had in the past or even social constructs that do need to be re-examined for equity and equality but not at the expense of what made us Hawaiian.

I’m sharing this because I have a deep love for this Creator and he always speaks very authentically and very much wholeheartedly with the intent of educating and supporting our people.

Tonight’s dinner is S&S saimin with some stuff I had in the freezer. Because there’s been a lot of phone calls and it was quick.

Saimin is different Nathan ramen but in the same family.

And I’m reclaiming my brain and routine, it’s kind of been an odd long haul where I think; Oh, I’ve got some things brewing up and I can start writing. And then a few hours later, the shutdown begins again and I’m pushed back a few steps.

Some of it is physical. My body has some really shitty days and some not so bad. What I have found has been helpful is music. For too long in this stupid internal crap journey, I’ve lost the need to have music going… to read… to even cook things I enjoy cooking. So that’s been the paths I’ve recently begun clearing the weeds from.

There’s a fuckton of debris. And I can’t say that these paths will lead me back to where I was and that’s probably okay. But the comfort and familiarity of the words, the sound, and even the disengagement I get when chopping a bunch of things and shoving food into people is returning.

And God, it’s like breathing during a crisp, cold day.

So, I’m sharing one of my favourite Metallia songs and it’s so great to get that kick in my soul at listening to it.

Life has been a bit crazy physically but doing better now.

How is everything for you guys? What have you been Reading?

Tomorrow will be dedicated to writing.

She spends more time upside down than she does on her feet.

I’ve been kicking around stuff to write and actually have been circling around chapters and other stories. So that’s been great but oh, the day job has been kicking my ass. I also have a really bad problem of getting distracted by shiny bits of trivia! Anything historical and murdery is something I love and want to fall down the rabbit hole.

And dig up some bones and make them interesting? I’m right there. Hell, I got pulled down the spiral of the chambers under the pyramids.

Places I love to visit…

Listverse: https://listverse.com/

Bored Panda: https://www.boredpanda.com/

Kickass Facts: https://www.kickassfacts.com/

Stuff like this! Eating decades old unopened tins!

So yes, that’s a few of my rabbit holes. What are yours?

One of my favorite desserts. This is actually from Aldi and I call it the Eton Mess gelato. I have absolutely no idea what the real name is but I wanted something sweet and it is light and Airy without being too sugary.