Discussion: Abuse Thereof.

lotusHow am I feeling? Kinda contemplative. I’m kind of giving the hairy eyeball to people who profess to know everything about child abuse survivors. Especially where molestation happened.

In Sinner’s Gin, Miki has sex. A lot of real-life child abusees have sex. In reality, a lot of teens who have been sexually abused as children adapt their behaviour to flirtation and promiscuity because it was a form of affection and attention they were groomed for. My own personal experience aside (’cause yeah, that’s there), years of working in Juvie as a counselor pretty much drove that little point home. It’s a confusion, mental mess that no ONE person has the answers to. Everyone deals with it differently.

Some people don’t deal with it at all.

Yeah, Miki’s going to have sex. He might even have therapy someday. But not today. Doesn’t want it. He’s not ready.

But if you yourself been abused and you’ve reached the point where you need to talk about it or heal, please do so. Please reach out to someone. Survive the experience. Do not let someone in your past…or present…victimize you. Kick them in the balls… even if it’s only in how you think of them.

Come on out the other side. We’ll cheer you on.

16 thoughts on “Discussion: Abuse Thereof.

  1. I was 6 and did not get therapy till I was in my 40’s. Many years of confusion and picking bad partners. 5 years of group therapy and I am very happily married. It does work. I urge everyone to consider it. If you try and don’t like therapist , keep looking.

    1. Therapy does work. And yes, you need to find one that you like. *nods* Someone who takes care of you.

      It takes time. And it’s kind of a long road but it’s worth it.

  2. Well said, love. The Self and the self and the human condition are far too complex to try and pare them all down into tidy little categories of right and wrong behaviors and responses to certain tragedies and experiences that someone else has suffered through, and it’s a heinous conceit to believe there’s one simple answer to all the underlying issues of abuse.

    That’s not someone, whomever it is, that’s speaking from a standpoint of empathy. That’s someone who’s living inside a box of misinterpretation. That’s someone seeing things from behind the rose colored glass of “I’d never do that, so it must be wrong,” when, in fact, until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, you don’t know shit about the blacks and whites and grays of that person’s journey.

    ::end rant::

    I think you may have touched a nerve. Just sayin’.

    1. *grins* can of worms. i have opened it.

      It’s too horrific of a something to live through. People don’t come out the other side in the same way. Hell, some people don’t come out at all. I wanted to show Miki as someone who carries it still but is struggling to maintain his Self.

      And oh, I have bitten my tongue many a times and tasted blood so as not to say anything to someone telling me HOW I should feel or HOW I should act. *grins*

      1. You know how very fond I am of Goodreads… ::sarcasm:: Well, let me tell you, I was witness to a discussion between an author and a reader once on that site. This particular author had included a scene in his book in which his young protagonist was sexually molested in a public bathroom. At which point this reader/reviewer had the utter gall to criticize the author’s handling of the situation and the aftermath. The result of that conversation…

        That was a real life experience, and it’d happened to the author precisely the way he’d written it.

        Talk about eating some fucking crow, huh?

      2. Oh I’ve had people take me to task for things I’ve written that have actually happened to me. Usually I’m like… dude, you have NO idea. *grins*

  3. Cris

    Also, in Miki’s case, after the abuse, he found Damien and learned what it was like to love, be loved, and be treated with respect. That matters a lot. At any rate, I think you wrote Miki beautifully and realistically, and am exceedingly psyched for Whiskey & Rye.

    1. Damien had a LOT to do with Miki’s ability to love. And in his way, Miki helped Damien beyond measure.

      I’m about halfway done with Whiskey and Wry. *crosses fingers* And thank you!

  4. Petalx63

    I have not been a victim of child abuse, thus I would not profess to make comment on it, the only thing to say would be support, rather than to question and condemn their actions. Sex why does any human have sex? We all know why and its not just for procreation sake.. having said that to question a writer, well gosh, why…. they write, they research,,,, as for the child abuse, domestic abuse, any abuse of any sort, any addiction even, unless you have studied in these areas and have practiced in these areas one would you would err on the side of caution and not make comment…. needless to say I love your writings and I cannot wait either….

    1. Smooooches. Really, everyone’s very different. And yes, sometimes people find a comfort in sex. *winks* Heh.

      Thank you very much for liking the books! I hope Damie’s book is to your liking!

  5. Patricia Grayson

    In my experience it seems that many, many more kids have been abused sexually than ever report it. Talking about it helps wash away blame, and guilt, that belong to the perpetrators, not the victims.

    1. The victims always carry the guilt. They do. *nods* Or doubts. I wanted to write a character that showed one slice of reality in how stuff is dealt with. Okay and yes, I killed the perpetrators. So… that was something that had to be dealt with too. *grins*

  6. seijikat

    Totally with you. Worked for several years on the counselor front until I had to walk away due to a particularily violent physical attack.

    I agree 100% – everyone deals with it differently. Nobody should tell anybody how they “shoud” react to that kind of abuse.

    I appreciated how you dealt with it in your book. This is why I love your characters, they’re aren’t just paper puppets. <333333

    1. Smooches. And hugs. It’s been my personal experience that yeah, everyone deals with it on such a varied basis, there’s no ONE behaviour that you can say is…. ABUSEE. *nods*

      I tried to deal with it as best I could where MIki was concerned. I knew he’d be resistent to therapy. That’s a major part of it. We’ll see how he does going forward. *nods* 😀

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