Twenty Things… Thing.

Twenty things about me as tagged by Gloria Lakritz. If you want to do these, go ahead 😀

I’m supposed to share 20 things. Things people don’t know? See, I’m pretty open about stuff. Sooooo… you probably know these things but here goes.

1. I have mild Aspergers. For years I thought I was broken, wrong… off. Well, yeah kinda but now I don’t have to try to fix it. Apparently my family knew since I was a little kid but didn’t tell me because they didn’t want that stigma attached to me. Would have saved me years of therapy and drug experiments had I known. So my world’s a little sideways but I’m okay with that.

2. I have to work to be social. It’s not natural. I have to remember to ask someone How are they doing if they ask me first. Lots of social cues to be read.

3. That said, being social wears me the fuck out. It’s like I have to be constantly on alert like some hyperactive pointer in the middle of a squirrel family reunion.

4. When I was almost four, a roach crawled into my left ear, laid her eggs and left. The said progeny hatched one night. Everyone thought it was an ear infection until… well, bugs. I went to the hospital that night and we never went back to that apartment. My grandfather who’d raised me for the first few years of life wasn’t going to let me go back there. His only daughter, Roberta, died of an ear infection when she was three (before penicillin).

5. I have scarring on the inside of my left ear and drum. It makes for a lovely equilibrium problem when I’m flying and a passenger in a car. I sometimes get car sick even when driving.

6. I do NOT get sick on a boat.

7. As a child, I anthropomorphized everything. I couldn’t give up a book because I didn’t want its feelings to get hurt.

8. I have nothing from my childhood…toys and the like. I left home very young and my father erased my existence from the household.

9.  There are a few pictures of me when I was young. My mother gave them to me years ago along with a composition book I’d scribbled in when I was three.

20140831_08371310. I could read and write when I was three.*

11. Apparently, I also drew people with square faces and made sure everyone’s philtrum was in place. *

12. The book I drew in apparently was where my mother wrote down recipes she got from my relatives. As a result, I have old recipes for Portuguese sweet bread and malasadas. Along with a few others. **

13. I can sew costumes. I don’t sew because it pisses me off.

14. I cannot stand having cords on my legs or arms. Nothing to do with creepy-crawlies or thinking it’s a bug. I just hate the feel of cords on my skin.

15. I am always shocked when I find out people loathe me. Usually because someone has to have really pissed me off for me to get to that point myself. It surprises me when I discover people have a lower tolerance level or they give a shit about things I just let go by me.

16. I hate writing. I do like making characters and the puzzle of writing. I just hate writing because I can’t ever hit that oomph I want. It’s like having sex and never reaching orgasm.

17. I want to write a book that makes people sob. Because I just want to see if I can.

18. I will never NOT have a happy ending. I will also never kill one of my MCs. I don’t like it in my reading material. I have no intention of writing that.

19. I cannot bake. I have no patience for it. Science. Too much science.

20. I’m actually quite conservative in sexual matters as pertains to me. I don’t do double entendres or work dick jokes into every conversation. I don’t sexualize conversations and sometimes… okay often… I get annoyed when people do it constantly. It’s like fart jokes. Once in a while, okay but a steady diet of it makes me roll my eyes and gack. And not in a Gackt kind of way because that would be cool. It also squicks me out when people start talking about having sexual fantasies with a character I’ve created. They literally are talking about fucking my brain vomit… it’s kinda icky. And gives me odd mental images *grins*

* I don’t know who Lyle Eugene McBurney is. Yes that is my handwriting on the top of the page. Sue me. I was three.

** Andrea Canada and Mary Calmes might find the recipes interesting or useful 😀

20140831_083922 20140831_083913

Duck Duck Ghost Winners!

Duck Duck GhostYeah I drew TWO! CONGRATS!

Email me with your preferred ebook format! rhysford at vitaenoir dot com

 

 

Winner number one is:

Chris
Aug 25, 2014 @ 18:59:09 Edit

Spiders that move super fast and are bigger than a quarter make my skin crawl. I’m so not a screamer normally but if I see a spider like that I may let out a good scream.

 

Winner number two is:

Maite Suppes
Aug 25, 2014 @ 23:31:20 Edit

Roaches make my skin crawl and if it’s roaches with wings then you will hear me scream like a little girl.

 

Creature Feature 2 Now Available for Pre-Order

This was a hell of a fun time to write. I enjoyed having a different take on vampires as animalistic craven creatures bound to a mage’s blood. Poppy was fantastic to write with and we had a delightful time bringing this to life.

No pun intended 😀 Hope you enjoy it!

creaturefeature_2_x5Creature Feature 2

by Poppy Dennison and Rhys Ford

Two Men. One Apocalypse.

Rise of the Revenants
Vampyres are on the loose in Detroit, and novice hunter Taz Cohen is on the job. The mission seems simple: stop the vamps. But Taz knows nothing about the mythical creatures, so he’s in for the fight of his life. Then he meets insanely attractive construction worker Darren Foster, who jumps into the battle with both feet. Sparks and bullets fly as they struggle against the vampyre horde and their attraction to each other. Avoiding gruesome death from the undead might be easier than shielding their hearts from each other.

Legacy of Blood and Death
For Javi Navarro, Detroit will become another blood-splattered city in his rearview mirror after he puts its dead back into the ground. Expecting an easy hunting job, Javi instead finds a kiss of ancient vampyres on the hunt for a descendent of their long-dead creator.

Reclusive Ciarnan Mac Gerailt abandoned his family legacy of blood and death magic after it nearly destroyed him. Unfortunately for Ciarnan, the Motor City can only be saved if he resumes his dark arts and joins forces with Javi Navarro, the hunter who brought the vampyre apocalypse—and hope for the future—straight to Ciarnan’s front door.

Preorder Now at Dreamspinner Press

Duck Duck Ghost Giveaway! TWO DAYS ONLY!

Duck Duck Ghost

CONTEST IS OVER!

Do you want to read Duck Duck Ghost before its release?

Doesn’t that sound so egotistical? Like you’re WAITING for this thing to go live.

Let’s try that again.

Would you like to read this book I lovingly crafted out of my brain vomit and someone else’s nightmares?*

I hope you do.

Because NOW is your chance!

Leave a comment here about the thing that makes your skin crawl… any spooky or real object or creature. Tell me why! Even better!

What will that get you? A chance to win an ARC of Duck Duck Ghost! Winner will be drawn randomly on Aug 27th and ebook will be delivered WELL before its release date of Sept 8, 2014.  I will draw the winner during the time I dig around for the evening shot! Let’s say… 7 pm PST.

*No actual ghosts were harmed in the making of this book.

Duck Duck Ghost by Rhys Ford

Paranormal investigator Wolf Kincaid knows what his foot tastes like.

Mostly because he stuck it firmly in his mouth when his lover, Tristan Pryce, accidentally drugged him with a batch of psychotropic baklava. Needing to patch things up between them, Wolf drags Tristan to San Luis Obispo, hoping Tristan’s medium ability can help evict a troublesome spirit haunting an old farmhouse.

With Wolf’s sister handling Hoxne Grange’s spectral visitors, Tristan finds himself in the unique position of being able to leave home for the first time in forever, but Wolf’s roughshod treatment is the least of his worries. Tristan’s ad-hoc portal for passing spirits seems to be getting fewer and fewer guests, and despite his concern he’s broken his home, Tristan agrees to help Wolf’s cousin, Sey, kick her poltergeist to the proverbial curb.

San Luis Obispo brings its own bushel of troubles. Tristan’s ghost whispering skill is challenged not only by a terrorizing haunting but also by Wolf’s skeptical older cousin, Cin. Bookended by a pair of aggressive Kincaids, Tristan soon finds himself in a spectral battle that threatens not only his sanity but also his relationship with Wolf, the first man he’s ever loved.

Preorder at Dreamspinner Press:

Challenge Issued.. For Bailey.

Peeps, Minions and Readers,

I’d like to issue a small challenge. Donate a dollar to Bailey’s School Fund. One dollar. Two dollars. If you all double my $100 donation by the end of this week, I’ll do a Peen-Week on the Morning Shots AND give a 25 dollar gift certificate to a randomly chosen contributor. Leave a message in the comment section of the GOFUNDME page that you are responding to the Rhys Ford Challenge and also send a bit of support to someone who needs it.

Now I don’t do these. Well, Eric and TJ. But all, something… dunno. Hit. Maybe because I’ve been there. I’ve been where Bailey is. Where this family is. It fucking sucks and damn it, it’s such a small thing for us now but so big back then. Over there. Where they are now.

So it’s on, Peeps!